5 REASONS TO RENEW YOUR WEDDING VOWS

Why do people choose to renew their wedding vows, and what could it mean for your relationship?

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Renewing your vows could be a way to celebrate a milestone of 10, 20 or more years together, a fresh start after some difficulties or a way of reviving a stalled marriage. It’s also a good excuse for a party!

1. RECLAIMING THE FLAME
Peter and Sophie Stevens have been married for 42 years and used their 25th wedding anniversary to renew their wedding vows. The East Rand couple had a church service and involved their three sons in the ceremony. ‘I didn’t have a white wedding as we got married in court,’ says Sophie. ‘Our marriage became stale and we wanted to put the flame back into our relationship.’ She adds it’s important that both partners are involved in the decision. Peter says he initially went along with it to make Sophie happy, but the effort was worth it. ‘It made us realise what we loved about one another and areas where we could do better,’ he says. ‘Sophie and I became closer than ever.’

It’s like starting over again on a clean sheet, says Brian Blem, a counselling psychologist with Lighthouse Therapy in Gauteng. ‘It rekindles the romance or becomes a ritual that marks a new chapter in the relationship.’

2. RECOVERY FROM A ROUGH PATCH
A renewal ceremony is also a sign of your commitment to your partner. It says ‘I love you so much that I want to marry you all over again.’ Blem says that when couples have trouble in their relationship, the decision to renew vows could say ‘Please give me a second chance’ or ‘We messed up the first attempt but we are going to change things for the best.’

He adds that it could also conclude a couple-counselling process where they’ve learned to be in a better and stronger relationship. It gives them a goal
to aim towards.

One of the greatest benefits for a couple is that they get a chance to review their marriage journey and their experiences – good and bad. They also formally recommit to stay true to their marriage vows, says Bheki Zungu, a Johannesburg-based relationship expert and author of Why Are You Getting Married?

3. BRINGING FAMILIES CLOSER
Zungu says a renewal ceremony also unites the families of the couple. ‘It’s a good thing to involve the families, where possible, so they can also partake in the celebration,’ he says. ‘Having witnesses makes it exciting, even if the ceremony is not at the same level as the first wedding.’

4. MARKING MILESTONES
John and Anna Debeza of Roodepoort wanted to renew their wedding vows for their 10th anniversary but had to cancel the event because Anna fell ill. They plan to make up for it later this year when they celebrate 15 years together.

‘We feel that God has really helped us through all the vows we made to each other – for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,’ says John. ‘We want to share that special moment with people who matter to us. We also want to encourage other couples to put in the effort to make their marriages work.’

5. TAKING A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE
Zungu says renewing vows does not necessarily have to take the form of a traditional wedding ceremony. Anyone can officiate the event – a friend or relative, or even the couple’s child or children.You don’t even have to exchange rings. The important thing is to make it special for you. Compile a slideshow, video or collage of pictures commemorating your journey together, with a soundtrack of your favourite songs over the years, and ask friends and family to share the special moments they remember about your relationship. 

It’s all about expressing your love for one another and your appreciation of your union, and making a commitment to keep growing your bond.



TIGHT BUDGET?
If you don’t have money for a fancy celebration, you could:

• Ask friends and family to meet you on a beach, at a river or anywhere else that’s beautiful and free, and renew your vows in the splendour of nature.
• If your heart is set on holding your ceremony at a fancy venue, choose a date that’s out of season, when the rates are considerably lower than in high season.
• Check high- and low-season dates with the venue in advance.
• Enlist the help of friends with special talents for things like floral decorations, music or even your hair and make-up.