WHAT EXACTLY IS EQ, AND HOW CAN IT AFFECT YOUR LOVE RELATIONSHIP?

If you’ve ever wondered why some people seem to always keep their cool, deal with awkward situations gracefully, uplift those around them and thrive in their relationships, it’s probably because they have emotional intelligence.

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WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?
The concept of emotional intelligence (EI), also referred to as emotional quotient (EQ), was popularised by American psychologist and science writer Dan Goleman in his 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Goleman identified five key characteristics of EI:

Self-awareness: recognising and understanding your emotions, and being aware of their effect on those around you.

Self-regulation: expressing emotions appropriately, and taking ownership of your actions.

Motivation: setting goals for personal fulfilment that go beyond rewards such as money or acclaim.

Empathy: the ability to recognise emotions in others and respond accordingly.

Social skills: interacting well in social settings (including the ability to turn a negative situation into a positive one).

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN LOVE RELATIONSHIPS
You might find that you’re quick to get angry or frustrated with your partner, or you can’t always pinpoint why you feel or react a certain way. Understanding emotional intelligence could help you to cultivate a happier, more secure relationship.



Take our quiz and see how you score.

1. You’re invited to a party by someone your partner likes, but you don’t. You…
A. Jump at the chance to meet new people.
B. Decide to go, but plan to fake feeling sick halfway through.
C. You refuse to go and stay at home instead, sulking.

2. You spot your partner’s old flame while out shopping. You…
A. Continue shopping, not bothered about bumping into them in an aisle.
B. Do a sideways dash to avoid them completely.
C. Start wondering why they’re shopping so close to your – and his – home!

3. You go to a party together. Generally, you…
A. Walk the room, chatting to friends and introducing yourself to new people.
B. Grab a drink and stick with the familiar faces.
C. Hang on to your partner’s arm for most of the evening.

4. You’re having a disagreement with your partner that is heading for that ‘you’ll regret what you say later’ stage. You…
A. Suggest a 10-minute break, so you can both collect yourselves.
B. Become defensive and/or start blaming them for ruining your day.
C. Become quiet and non-responsive, or leave the room.

5. Your partner gently teases you in front of your family about something you would prefer them not to know about. You…
A. Tease him back affectionately, but plan to have a chat later about appropriateness.
B. Say something spiteful about one of his bad habits.
C. Feel criticised and belittled.

6. Your (difficult) mother-in-law has asked if she can stay for a week. You…
A. Decide to accommodate her because of your partner, but suggest a shorter time.
B. Groan (loudly) but say it’s okay.
C. Start imagining all the worst possible scenarios.

Mostly A:
Congratulations! You’re emotionally intelligent! You’re comfortable in your skin, make the best of situations and don’t let anyone take advantage of you. You value your partner and are attentive, but also give them and yourself room to grow. 

Mostly B and C:
You tend to let emotions drive your reactions: either by allowing them to overwhelm you or by retreating or becoming suspicious. Take a step back and try to establish whether the emotion is real or imagined. Try not to worry too much about what might happen; rather stay in the moment. Find ways to turn any negative self-talk into the positive – meditate or find a fulfilling hobby. Take responsibility for your actions, and open yourself to the possibilities that new experiences may bring you. After all, a better you will make for a better relationship.