IS YOUR CHILD HANGING WITH THE WRONG CROWD?

You can’t stop kids from exploring the world and trying things. It’s part of growing up. But how do you know your teen is under a bad influence and how do you react? Here are some pointers.

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Peer pressure can be a terrible thing. We all want to be special in some way but we also want to fit in. It’s hard to achieve both.

Teens have to bond with their peers – it’s a step towards adulthood. You won’t always like who they choose to be with. And even if you raised little angels, they’ll still make poor choices at times.



DANGER SIGNS

• When the new friend is around, your teen is rude and breaks rules.
• Your teen starts lying about things like having done chores. They say they were hanging at a friend’s house but went somewhere else.
• You somehow never get to meet the friend’s parents or they’re always out “working” when your child goes to visit. This friend may have little parental supervision or guidance.
• Your teen dumps old mates after making the new friend. A child who sometimes lacks confidence and struggles to make friends or stand up for themselves could fold under pressure to join a not so cool crowd.

THINGS TO DO

• Don’t criticise the friends. Your child's natural urge will be to protect friends even if you’re obviously right. Criticise the behaviour, not the person. Make clear statements about how you see the friend acting: "I don't like the way she talks back to adults."
• Set limits. You're the parent. If you don’t like some of the friend’s behaviour, limit how much they can hang out together – and where. You might, for instance, decide it has to be at your home so you can keep an eye on them.
• Talk openly. Say what bothers you about a friend and ask for your teen’s opinion. Make it a chat about your kid’s decisions and values. You can say what you think but listen first.
• Don’t ban the friendship. It might make your teen angrier and even more rebellious. It will also make the friend your enemy. Remind your teen what you expect and let them know you will hold them accountable for their own actions, no matter what the friend does.
• Offer positive incentives. Ask what activities or social events interest your teen and support them in getting involved in that. Offer a positive reward for coming up with a personal goal and then meeting it. In the process, your child will be forming new and hopefully healthier friendships.
• If it’s drugs you’re worried about, ask your child what they understand about the risks and consequences. Educate them on the real dangers. Don’t exaggerate. If your child senses you’re not being honest, you risk losing credibility and their respect.
• Make them understand that children who stand up to bullies and resist their influence are stronger than the ones doing the bullying.
• Before you ban your child from seeing a friend, make sure it's really necessary for their safety. Otherwise, they might go behind your back. Set limits on the friendship by being firm about how often they can get together. If you’re seriously worried, get help from experts. Call the Jet Club teen helpline or FAMSA (details below).

Teens pick their own friends and there’s little you can do about it. It’s not always easy to get them to talk to you, but keep trying. Do it when you’re both calm, not when you’re angry or just had an argument. Be honest, be gentle, be available.

FAMSA
+2711 975 7106/7; www.famsaorg.mzansiitsolutions.co.za


 JET CLUB HELPLINES
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