4 DECISIONS YOU SHOULD NEVER MAKE WITHOUT YOUR PARTNER

In a recent survey of more than 1000 British singles, it was found that 69% of women and 71% of men rate freedom to make their own decisions as the best thing about being single. So, it’s no surprise when partners find it difficult to start considering ‘us’ instead of ‘me’.

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‘On one hand it means that one has someone with whom to share the decision-making process and the responsibility of the consequences,’ says Joburg psychologist Dr Nompumelelo Malatji-Angoma. ‘On the other hand, it often involves two people with differing values and decision-making capabilities and styles.’ While this can be frustrating, ‘turning to each other instead of away from one another shows respect for the union and for the partner,’ she adds. So, what are the biggest decisions couples have to make together?



STARTING A FAMILY
Everyone knows someone who fell pregnant by accident and now says it was ‘the best accident ever’. So, if you decide to get yourself pregnant, your partner will be happy, right? Wrong. Babies are an enormous financial, physical and emotional drain, so it’s important that both partners are ready and willing to adapt their lifestyles. ‘The important thing to remember is that having a baby, while a happy occasion, can also be highly stressful on a relationship,’ says Dr Malatji-Angoma. ‘It is not a fixer of relationships; one cannot assume that one’s partner will learn to love the baby once it arrives.’

CHANGING JOBS
Being stuck in a job you hate can be very depressing, but resigning will have financial implications for your partner, who will have to support you and the household while you find a new job. Making such a decision on your own often leads to resentment in your partner, and strain on the relationship.

CHOOSING A SCHOOL
Dr Malatji-Angoma lists five important issues when choosing your child’s school: Whether the school fits your child’s personality, its approach to education, private versus public, distance from home and cost. All of these should suit both parents equally. For instance, it’s unfair for Mom to fetch the kids if the school is closer to Dad’s office.



SPLASHING OUT
A friend recently confessed to hiding a new pair of shoes in her car so her fiancé wouldn’t find them. No biggie – she earns her own salary. But extravagant spending affects the household budget. ‘Even though couples might have separate bank accounts, it’s preferable for them to have regular, scheduled meetings where they table such matters as a couple,’ advises Dr Malatji-Angoma. That way, there won’t be any unpleasant surprises that lead to mistrust or anger and threaten the union.