THIS IS WHY EMPATHY MATTERS

It’s one of the most important life skills, as it helps build better relationships in all aspects of your life

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Most people think of empathy as the ability to feel what someone else is feeling, but that’s only a tiny part of it. Empathy is also about recognising another person’s perspective and understanding things from their point of view (without feeling the need to change their mind). It is necessary to build trust and a feeling of belonging. Empathetic people tend to be happier, and empathy-based behaviour has been shown to increase forgiveness, decrease conflict and improve well-being.

Empathy helps improve communication with others and strengthen relationships in your personal life, workplace and community. The big question is, how do you develop empathy? Research has shown that developing empathy may be affected by different interpersonal and cultural circumstances.

In multicultural South Africa, there are many faces of empathy. Ubuntu is a good starting point – this ethical principle teaches us how to live life together, respect one another and connect. Ubuntu is inherent and teachable. Given our divided history, practising ubuntu lets us explore kindness, tolerance and empathy.

AT HOME
Family Ties

Children will learn empathy from watching adults. By showing concern and respect for people outside your family unit, your children will experience your empathy towards others. They will notice how you treat a server at a restaurant or a cashier in a shop – in addition to how you interact with your partner and relatives.

When you empathise with your children, in turn, they develop trust in you and an attachment to you; these attachments will tend to make them mirror your behaviour, and therefore show empathy for others.

Take note of your children’s physical and emotional needs, respect and understand that they have their own personalities, and develop a genuine interest in their interests. Encourage them to share their feelings with you and resolve conflict as it arises.

Listen and respond to what they say; don’t hold grudges or give the ‘silent treatment’. (The same holds true for the parents in the family.) In South Africa, it is particularly important to encourage your children to be inclusive, and this means being inclusive yourself.

Speak to them about race, inequality and discrimination. If you witness acts of prejudice or stereotyping, make it a teachable moment.

AT WORK
Cultivating Empathetic Colleagues

According to Businessolver’s State of Workplace Empathy Study, only one in four employees believe that empathy in their workplace is “sufficient”. Empathy helps to create a ‘culture of teamwork’. It means recognising that you depend on one another – you need to do your job, so that others can do their jobs.

Creating strong grounds for empathetic teamwork means sometimes stepping back to understand another’s perspective. You need to accept people as they are, both their strengths and weaknesses. Do not dwell on shortcomings; if your colleague feels like they belong, this creates a feeling of trust, which fosters a better work environment.

Don’t make it about you – pay attention to what others say, ask questions and really listen to their perspective. Take time to show interest in them, how they’re doing or what they think about a project. Showing empathy at work can help you understand and relate to your co-workers’ experiences, thoughts and emotions.

Recognise your own failures, mistakes or shortcomings in the workplace. When you’re authentic and honest, you let others see they’re doing fine. Empathy in the workplace changes how you work and could change how others work.

COMMUNITY
We’re all in this together

One of the best ways to practise empathy is to listen; we tend to live busy lives, and focusing on what others say can be a challenge! When another person is talking, maintain eye contact and have an open posture; this will encourage the other person to keep talking.

As in the workplace or with your family, ask questions; this shows your interest and support. Think of yourself in their shoes when they are speaking to you and give your full attention to what they are saying. And never assume – always ask for clarity.

Make yourself vulnerable and remove the mask; this will allow people to open up to you. Perhaps most importantly, don’t hesitate to step out of your comfort zone. Allow yourself to develop relationships with people from different backgrounds, religions, races or even political associations.

Challenge your biases, look for something you might have in common with them, and have compassion; practising this and being considerate will only strengthen your empathic skills. Developing empathy is a learning game and improving it means practising it daily. In time, you’ll find that your ability to understand and relate to others’ perspectives and emotions will become stronger.

Words by: Leah Dennis

Photography: Gallo/Getty Images