4 tips to navigate intercultural love

While South Africa is not the most ethnically diverse country in the world (that title belongs to Papua New Guinea, which has thousands of ethnic groups, each with their own languages and customs), we’re near the top of the list. The World Atlas ranks South Africa as the eighth most ethnically diverse country, which makes us one of the most culturally rich and vibrant nations on the planet.  

Of course, this diversity means every one of us has to navigate cross-cultural relationships of one kind or another, whether it’s a colleague, friend, your GP or your taxi driver. And some of us fall in love across cultures, which presents its own unique challenges.  

“We often underestimate how much our cultural beliefs and upbringing inform how we engage with the world around us,” says clinical psychologist Monique Mostert. “Our cultural socialisation determines how we interpret and respond to social stimuli. It is almost automatic, and we therefore run the risk of assuming that other people use the same `blueprint’ to make sense of the world.”  

When two people from different cultural or racial backgrounds are in a romantic relationship, she adds, it is logical that these cultural differences might cause challenges. “They might be using two different proverbial ‘maps’ to navigate social interactions and relationships.”  

Having different mother tongues (first languages) is one of the most common factors associated with cultural differences, says Monique. “This can be a barrier, as couples might find it hard to express their true feelings in a language that is not their native language.”  

Another common challenge is a lack of support from family or friends, who may disapprove of romantic relationships outside of perceived cultural boundaries.  

“Couples don’t function in isolated silos but engage with society and the people around them. Friends and family (due to their own cultural socialisation) might not be very supportive of your cross-cultural relationship. This can put strain on any relationship.” 

Also read: Expert tips on how to make your long-distance relationship thrive