Why 50/50 isn’t always fair 

Lets just split it down the middle” may sound like the fair and logical way to handle finances in a relationship — especially for couples who pride themselves on being modern and non-hierarchical. But relationship experts and psychologists are urging couples to reconsider whether equal really means equitable when it comes to money.  

Money is more than numbers; it’s power, history and deeply ingrained societal roles. Splitting costs 50/50 might work perfectly when both partners earn the same and carry similar financial responsibilities. But what happens when one earns significantly more? Or when caregiving and emotional labour aren’t factored into the ‘expenses’ column?  

Gender roles and the hidden cost of fairness 

For generations, men were seen as providers and women as homemakers. While gender roles have evolved, remnants of this dynamic still affect how couples approach money. Women today are not only participating in the workforce but often juggling a full-time career alongside the majority of the domestic and caregiving duties. 

In an article in Psychology Today, psychologist Dr Chloe Carmichael notes: “Many women feel conflicted because they’ve internalised the belief that contributing financially means equality, but they’re also emotionally and practically contributing in ways that aren’t always visible.” 

In relationships where finances are split equally; yet emotional and household labour isn’t, resentment can quietly build, she adds.  

It’s not just about gender, either. Power dynamics shift when one person earns significantly more — and insisting on a 50/50 split can unintentionally cause emotional strain. In an article in The Cut about avoiding financial conflict between partners, financial therapist Amanda Clayman says, “Fairness in money should be based on what each person brings to the table, not a rigid formula.”  

A balanced approach 

Rather than defaulting to 50/50, experts advocate for proportional contributions. This means splitting expenses based on income percentage— for example, if one partner earns 70% of the household income, they would ideally contribute 70% towards shared expenses. This model acknowledges the unequal realities of earning potential and ensures both partners contribute fairly; not equally.  

More important than any formula, however, is open communication. Dr Terri Orbuch, known as ‘The Love Doctor’ and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, argues that financial transparency is key to long-term relationship health.  

“When couples talk about money early in their relationship, and often, they’re more likely to stay together. Avoiding the conversation leads to power struggles and misunderstandings,” she writes in her article ‘The Most Important Money Habit for a Happy Relationship’ on HuffPost.