How to go back to dating IRL after ditching the apps
It’s time to toss the apps and dive head-first back into dating in real life
Increasingly, every aspect of life seems to happen from behind a screen – work’s in there, and right next to that little flame icon is your banking app, favourite food-delivery services, your calculator, calendar and ovulation tracker. This isn’t very romantic, is it? And, if the dreariness isn’t enough, just click over to Netflix for stories of stammers, toxic exes, catfishers and creeps.
Amy Glover, a clinical psychologist at The Lighthouse Arabia, nails it: “Online dating has become familiar and normalised. But the way in which traditional courting practices have adapted to the online format can make the experience feel rushed and artificial.”
She says that browsing through faces and profiles online can lead to feelings of disconnection as well as overstimulation (this is especially true for older singles).
If this describes how you’re feeling, and one face on the screen is starting to look much like all the others as you swipe left and right, it might be time to delete the apps — and put your face out there to be dazzled by dating in real life. Here’s your guide to getting out into the world and turning sparks into fire.
IRL dating begins at home
Sex educator and 5FM radio presenter Leah Jazz believes that real-life dating is an excuse to fall in love with yourself.
“Make a list of the things that make you wonderful to date, and a list of things you’d like to improve on,” she says. “This way, the dating process becomes a way to increase confidence, grow your communication skills and build self-esteem. It’s easy to fake confidence online but feeling it IRL (in real life) means actively developing it.”
For anyone who’s felt that dating can be demoralising, this is a powerful way to flip that sentiment on its head. Even if the date doesn’t work out, you’ll still leave feeling better than before.
Back to basics
Why not try an activity that’s always intrigued you and meet some new people in the process? Mike Brits, owner of Baikt Ceramics in Cape Town, turns up the heat with some clay and chemistry at his queer singles’ pottery nights.
“Lean into the awkwardness of meeting strangers for the first time, and don’t take it too seriously,” he advises. “It may seem like an uphill battle trying to meet people IRL, but I’d approach dating in the same way I’d approach making new friends — see if you vibe and take it from there.”
Authenticity and connection
“Dating will always require openness and curiosity within yourself and about another person. Connecting with others will always involve some risk of putting oneself out there,” says Amy. “Although there may be risks, there is also the opportunity for great rewards.”
Stepping away from the apps and into the real world, as daunting as it may seem, is a journey worth taking. By focusing on building genuine connections and embracing serendipity, you will find that love truly can blossom in unexpected places. Take a leap of faith, flaunt who you are and step outside your digital comfort zone.
Words: Cher Petersen
Photography: Pexels
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