When to intervene with your troubled-teenager

Drug and alcohol use
As much as you would like to shelter your child from the dangers of alcohol and drugs, their exposure to it i is inevitable. However, if you notice any kind of secrecy or habit forming, it’s time for intervention.

Reckless behaviour and/or violence
A teen’s anger often masks underlying emotions such as sadness, frustration, fear, and shame. Aggression is more common in boys, but any behaviour such as curtness, bullying other children, hurting animals, or engaging in dangerous or high-risk behaviours should be taken seriously.

HOW TO CONNECT WITH YOUR TEEN

It may be hard to believe based on everyday interactions, but underneath all that sass and bravado is someone who still craves love, attention and understanding.

Don’t respond with the same intensity
It can be very easy to hit your child back with the same intensity of emotion when they’re being difficult. Give yourself – and them – a cooling-off period before speaking to them; otherwise, you’ll say things you’ll regret and it will be harder to engage in open conversation.

Try to understand what’s behind their behaviour
Have a frank conversation with your teen. Maybe there’s someone at school giving them a hard time, or they have feelings of inadequacy because their peers have things that they don’t. Pre-empt emotional outbursts by making time to check in with them regularly.

Empathise, but establish boundaries and consequences
A lot of parents, without even realising it, use language that makes their child feel ashamed for lashing out. Don’t take the offence and help them understand that, just like happiness, anger is a valid emotion, but there are unacceptable ways of expressing it.

Explain to them that they will have to face the consequences such as losing certain privileges or, in serious cases, school suspension or police involvement.

Encourage them to find healthy ways to channel their frustration
Exercise is one of the best ways for your teen to let off some steam, but nagging them to do so won’t necessarily be well received. Offer them alternative ways to de-stress that are appealing, like hitting a pillow or punching bag, singing, dancing, or expressing themselves through art.