Why being a superwoman isn’t always good for you
Taking on multiple roles and striving for perfection can have harmful effects on your health. Here’s how to ease up on being everyone’s hero.
In life, women often take on all types of roles in their lives: daughter, mother, friend, student, career professional and partner. Added to this are the roles that are acquired through talent – from cyclist to recycler, or painter to patient listener.
What’s more is that society, largely owing to the pressures of social media, challenges women to excel at them all, pushing them to continuously aim for that notion of perfection.
Yet, while some women appear to wear the superwoman cape with ease and flair, especially in their carefully crafted digital projections, it cloaks inner turmoil, exhaustion and self-doubt for many.
And as stress mounts, it can take a toll on both mental and physical health. “It’s something that my colleagues and I see a lot,” says Johannesburg-based clinical psychologist Lee-Ann Hartman.
“Women come in with all the external markers of success and achievement, but are unhappy, unfulfilled and burnt out.”
“We constantly push ourselves to go further, do better and meet increasingly high standards.”
WHERE DOES IT STEM FROM?
The reasons, Lee-Ann explains, have a lot to do with Western society and the symbols of success. “We buy into what’s sanctioned by society and our community and feel compelled to work towards these symbols.
We constantly push ourselves to go further, do better, and meet increasingly high standards at work, at home and in relationships.
The result is that we’re over-extended and over-committed, fragmented by competing demands and our never-ending striving towards achievement and perfection.
“Eventually, something has to give, and we burn out – this tends to be accelerated by outside pressures,” says Dr Madeline Ann Lewis, president of the Deline Institute for Professional Development in the US and co-author of Overcoming The Superwoman Syndrome.
“Because a superwoman is duty-oriented, highly responsible and wants to do what’s right. She wants to please everyone, get attention, and have the feeling of accomplishment and being able to do it all. But deep down she often lacks self-esteem and the ability to say no,” Lewis writes in her book.
WHAT EFFECTS DOES IT HAVE ON US?
Constant striving for perfection, especially across multiple roles, results in persistently elevated levels of the “stress hormones”, cortisol and adrenaline.
This places strain on our bodies and can cause headaches, insomnia, digestive problems, overeating and a lowered libido. Over time, the effects become more severe, leading to lowered immunity, high blood pressure and heart attacks, amongst others.
Once anxiety and depression kick in, it can lead to exhaustion and eventual collapse, which requires months of recuperation, sets back careers and upsets family life.
IS BEING A SUPERWOMAN MAKING YOU SICK?
- Do you feel you’re responsible for “doing it all”?
- Do you constantly put others’ needs before your own?
- Do you rarely say “no”?
- Do you often accept more roles and additional responsibilities?
- Do you feel guilty about not being productive?
- Do you constantly strive for perfection?
- Do you agonise over your perceived flaws or failures?
- Do you often feel overwhelmed and exhausted?
- Do you feel you’re mostly unhappy?
- Are you having difficulty sleeping?
- Are you irritable or having persistent low moods and other signs of depression?
If you answered YES to two or more, it’s time to take a hard look at your life, preferably with help from a psychologist or life coach. In the meantime, try out some of the below advice to feel better and prioritise yourself.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO OVERCOME SUPERWOMAN SYNDROME?
If the reason for being superwoman is for external affirmation, ask yourself whose approval you are looking for, and why?
“Psychotherapy can be useful in exploring your thought processes and how to deal with the emotions and behaviours that go with them,” says Lee-Ann.
Examine your values and life goals, then prioritise your responsibilities and roles.
Focus on your beliefs, needs and wants – not on what others expect of you.
Lighten your load and focus on top priorities.
Establish boundaries and learn to say “no”. Delegate more and ask for help.
Step back, cut back and cut it out.
Examine your interactions with social media, and the comparisons you make with others and content.
Know the signs of impending burnout and when to seek help.
These include: poor short-term memory, lack of logical thinking, difficulty getting up in the morning, a sense of apathy, detachment and hopelessness, anger, frustration and cynicism, headaches, social withdrawal and depression.
Care for yourself and aim for balance.
You can do this by eating healthily, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, unwinding regularly, unloading to friends or a support group, and having something to look forward to each day.
Learn to fail – and that it’s okay.
“Failure shapes and strengthens us,” says Lee-Ann. “It’s a chance to start over, but with more wisdom.” Make your mantra: “It’s not the end of the world.”
Text by: Glynis Horing
Images: Shutterstock
Latest Jet club magazine
We’ve got the latest trends, exciting prizes and exclusive savings just for you!
Jet Club will not pass your details to anyone else. By clicking the subscribe button you confirm you have read and agree to the Jet Club Terms and conditions and Jet Club Privacy Statement.
Subscribe