HOW AND WHY IT’S IMPORTANT TO FORGIVE YOURSELF

Doing one good thing doesn’t prove you’re a good person. Likewise, doing something bad doesn’t show you’re bad. But you should learn not to beat yourself up about it. Here’s how.

Even people who find it easy to forgive others can find it hard to forgive themselves. It’s all very well to remember that we all make mistakes. Getting over them, learning from them and moving may be hard, but it’s not impossible.

WHY IT’S IMPORTANT
When shame, resentment or grudges keep haunting you, forgiving yourself can bring peace. Then you can concentrate on other things that are worth your energy.

It takes strength to forgive. When you forgive yourself you also take a part of your life back – the part that was dragging you down by constant dwelling on past mistakes.

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF SELF-FORGIVENESS?
Research has shown that people who forgive themselves have better mental and emotional well-being, more positive attitudes and healthier relationships. Self-compassion has also been linked to success and productivity, as well as better focus and concentration.

WHERE TO START
You expect an apology from someone who wronged you. When it comes, you decide to forgive.

But when it’s you who did something wrong, the steps are less clear, writes California therapist Andrea Brandt on Psychology Today. Maybe you don’t believe you deserve forgiveness, or you do but don’t know how to forgive yourself. Either way, you feel awful.

How do you forgive yourself even when it feels impossible? The first thing is to acknowledge and appreciate how you feel, she explains. Acknowledge that not everyone is self-aware enough to admit they’ve done wrong. Appreciate that you’re someone who can recognise your faults and mistakes. You’ve done something wrong, but at your core, you are a good person.

HOW TO WORK THROUGH IT
We sometimes forget that some of our past mistakes were made because we didn’t know any better. You can only work with the knowledge you have. Commit to doing your best every day, as you have been doing. There will be more mistakes, so be ready to forgive yourself for those. They are part of life and present you with a chance to learn and grow.

Related article: Why we remember more of the bad than the good

A FEW THINGS YOU SHOULD FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR:

1. Self-forgive-ness and parenting
As a parent, learning to forgive yourself for mistakes made while raising your children is essential. You can apologise to the child but then you should forgive yourself. When they see you accept responsibility for a mistake, they learn that it’s fine to be vulnerable and that there’s no shame in failing.

2. Negative thoughts
Bad thoughts enter even the most righteous mind. Admitting them and recognising them for what they are, is a small victory. Forgive yourself for negative thoughts, for losing your temper and for saying something you didn’t mean.

Related article: How to overcome a toxic childhood

3. Failures
Failures and setbacks are only human, too. When you break your own rules for health or good habits, forgive yourself and use it as motivation to try even harder.