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WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER LIE TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT MONEY


We’ve all done it. Bought something on the sly and hidden it from our partner. Or told a little white lie about paying a bill on time (when we haven’t done so for three months). The experts warn that keeping money secrets can be costly to your relationship as well as your finances. Here’s why.

1. SECRET SPENDING
How often do you come home and hide what you’ve bought? You earned the money, so you can spend it, right?

Why it’s a problem: Spending money on yourself occasionally is really okay; what’s not okay is if it becomes a habit and you feel guilty about it. Also, seemingly small purchases add up, and could derail financial plans that you and your partner have made for the future, whether it’s saving for a car, education or a retirement investment.

Break the habit: Understand the value of what you buy in terms of hours spent working for it. Allocate an amount of money in your budget for that special treat, and stick to it.

2. HIDING DEBT
The reasons for creeping debt are numerous. The reasons we dislike sharing this with anyone are equally so, ranging from embarrassment, believing we still could be in control and that ‘things will sort themselves out’, feeling too overwhelmed or the fear of being judged.

Why it’s a problem: Because no one wants to wake up and hear their partner say, ‘Honey, I’m broke.’ There are two implications. Firstly, dealing with the debt – money used to pay off debt can go nowhere else. Then, having to get by on a single or reduced salary or, worst-case scenario, having to sell assets to meet obligations.

Break the habit: Face your situation head-on. ‘Own your debt,’ says psychotherapist and author of Emotional Currency Dr Kate Levinson. Start by talking to someone you trust, ‘a counsellor, financial advisor or family member, to begin figuring out how to get debt free,’ she adds. So, when you speak to your partner you are showing them you are taking control. It’s also important to realise that life happens, people lose their jobs, and unexpected emergencies can turn finances upside down. Your relationship is a financial partnership as much as it is a romantic and emotional one. Be open so you can work it out together!

3. STASHING MONEY
A secret bank account, not telling your partner you got a bonus, not paying bills and keeping the money…

Why it’s a problem: The experts call this ‘financial cheating’. It’s dishonest behaviour that can hurt trust in a relationship. In addition, your partner won’t be able to estimate how much money is available and may believe the household is in a worse position than is the case.

Break the habit: If you’re hoarding, there may be a deeper reason behind it that needs addressing. Are you rebelling, do you need to be in control, are you involved in something illegal? It’s important to understand your behaviour patterns when it comes to money. Perhaps you experienced lack when you were growing up, maybe a previous partner left you in debt. Assuming your relationship is sound, and you’re not ‘saving’ in order to make a break for it, it’s best to come clean.

Here are a few other tips to grow teamwork in financial fitness:
  • Set ground rules – agree to speak honestly, respectfully and constructively. 
  • Set aside times to talk when you are both relaxed. Keep your bedroom space sacred, and rather talk money at the dining-room table, say, on a quiet Sunday afternoon over tea or coffee. 
  • Have regular money check-ins with your partner. Agree on set dates to check in on money matters. You could review the week’s spending every week, and do a more thorough analysis of the household finances every month-end.
  • Run large purchases by the team
  • Decide upfront who should pay for what based on income
  • Set mutual financial goals and agree on priorities
  • Budget, budget, budget
  • Have an equal say in how money is spent
  • If your partner struggles to talk money, get help from an intermediary, like a financial adviser.
WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER LIE TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT MONEY WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER LIE TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT MONEY Reviewed by Jet Club on February 13, 2019 Rating: 5
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