WHICH OF THESE 3 ATTACHMENT STYLES ARE YOU?

Our ability to connect and build relationships with the people around us is one of the most common emotions that human beings share. However, just because we share this instinct, it doesn’t mean we approach things in exactly the same way. This is where attachment styles come into play.

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There are three very common types of attachment styles that people may experience when building relationships or when trying to connect to others.

1. SECURE
People with a secure attachment style are able to trust others easily and do not second-guess people and their intentions. They are confident in themselves and those around them. These individuals are often seen as resilient and able to take on any adversity in their stride.

2. ANXIOUS
People with an anxious attachment style don’t trust people easily. They are always wondering why people might like them and what their intentions are toward them. They have an acute fear of rejection and often don’t feel secure in their relationships. These individuals often look for constant reassurance, attention and affection from their partners. They don’t like to be alone, but on the other hand are always wondering if people close to them have their best intentions at heart.

3. AVOIDANT
People who have an avoidant attachment style tend to like being on their own. They don’t like the idea of a relationship or to be relied upon by one person or people. They usually manage their lives by themselves and don’t ask for help from others. They may be critical of romantic people or think that finding a partner is boring.

HOW DO I KNOW WHAT ATTACHMENT STYLE I AM?
It is best to base yourself on a pattern rather than a single relationship. For example, if you felt very anxious in one relationship but not others, it doesn’t mean you have an anxious attachment style – it probably means that there were good reasons for you to feel anxious. Perhaps you knew that relationship wasn’t good for you.



HOW DO OUR ATTACHMENT STYLES IMPACT OUR RELATIONSHIPS?
When it comes to relationships, it is important to understand how your style and your partner’s style compliments and interacts with each other. Having different styles does not mean that your relationship is doomed, it simply means that you have to work together to ensure you understand what your different style means for one another.

Every individual is different and will deal with different situations differently. For example, a securely attached person may like hugs a lot, or an anxious person may be at their peak anxiety when their partner’s attractive ex puts a like on a Facebook post, or an avoidant person may become more distant if they are being asked to go to lots of social events. What’s important is understanding these sensitivities and working together to navigate them. Learning your partner’s attachment style will help you to appreciate what each other has to offer the relationship.

SECURE
• Positive view of self
• Positive view of others
• Interdependent
• Likes emotional intimacy
• Trusting

ANXIOUS
• Negative view of self
• Positive view of others
• Dependent
• Fear of losing relationship
• Can be aggressive
• Can “act out” of fear

AVOIDANT
• Positive view of self
• Negative view of others
• Independent / self-reliant
• Dislikes closeness
• Puts up walls
• Avoids conflict 

By SKYE LAVIS