HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FATHER

Father's Day can be tough if your bond with your dad has been less than perfect. If your father is part of your life and you’d like to improve your relationship, here are some useful ideas on how to go about this.

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It’s useful to remind yourself sometimes that fathers are human, just like other people. Just like you. The traditional role of a dad has been to provide, protect and discipline; however, that definition has changed drastically over the past two or so generations. It’s to be expected then that even the most progressive, thoroughly modern dad makes mistakes. And will be making more.

There are no perfect relationships, and this applies to the relationship between father and child, too. But, you can have a meaningful, constructive bond even now. Here are some pointers on how to achieve that.

FORGIVENESS
The first step to a better relationship with your father is most likely to forgive. Perhaps he was hardly there when you needed him or he didn’t support you in your choices and challenges. He might have had a favourite child who wasn’t you. Whatever your scenario may be, forgiveness is a universal concept that you need to apply if you’re wanting a better relationship with your father.

Related article: The gift of forgiveness

AVOID THOSE TOPICS
Agreeing to disagree is sensible, but can be frustrating. Even so, you can’t argue with your dad about the same issues every time you talk. If you stop trying to change his mind, he might stop trying to change yours.

Consider his point of view. It might be dated but you can’t discount his experience and knowledge. You might miss some great advice and bonding moments. Stay clear of topics on which neither of you will budge.

ASK ABOUT HIS LIFE
In older generations, men were not taught nor encouraged to share their feelings. So most dads don’t talk about their lives much. Ask and let him talk about himself a bit. He probably doesn’t get many chances to do so. Listen to his stories. He’ll likely appreciate your interest.

Related article: The importance of male role models in children’s lives

ASK FOR HELP – AND OFFER TO HELP
Many dads love helping with practical tasks. If yours is one, don’t be shy to ask him to fix the bathroom tap or help you move to your new flat. Recently retired dads can feel they have no purpose, so asking for his help will remind him of his value.

Don’t forget to offer him help as well. Offer to mow his lawn, queue for his new car licence or buy him a burger if you can afford it. He might not be used to asking for favours, so he probably won’t even when some chores are becoming a bit much for him.



BOND WITHOUT TALKING
Your dad might bond more through shared activity – spending time doing something together – rather than through deep and meaningful conversation. Hang out with your dad doing something that doesn’t require much talking, such as playing cards or doing the garden. Starting a hobby together would be great, but don’t force it.

VISIT MORE OFTEN
Try to make more time for visiting your dad. If he lives far away, suggest video calls. Whatever path you follow, take one small step at a time. If it happens at your speed, you’ll feel in control. Plus, you get to decide how slow or fast you want things to progress.

A GIFT FOR FATHER’S DAY
If he’s not allowed chocolate and he has all the braai tools he needs, what do you get him? The best gift is yourself – showing up, showing interest, showing the love.

Related article: 3 thoughtful DIY gifts to make for Father’s Day

Most dads say their goal is to give their children a better childhood than they had themselves. That was his goal for you even if it didn’t look like it.