IS IT A GOOD IDEA TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOUR EX?

Are old flames dangerous liaisons? Should you cut ties completely? We answer these questions and give you a guide to protecting your peace.

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The debate on whether or not to remain in touch with your ex-partner is yet to receive a verdict. Everyone has a different opinion, which isn’t always applicable to all break-up cases. It’s context-dependent. Your current feelings, the relationship dynamic, the time lapsed, closure and your current relationship status are all important factors to consider.

CUTTING TIES
Some may think that cutting all contact with an ex is petty. But sometimes it’s not to be bitter, rather for safety reasons. If you have an abundance of bad memories or traumas from your time together, cutting contact with an old partner might be best. Completely forgetting bad situations that have negatively impacted your life and wellbeing (perhaps even that of a child in the relationship) is hard. For those who want to put an end to a tiring break-up-and-make-up cycle, limiting contact is the first step to protecting yourself.

PUT YOUR CHILD FIRST
Where there are children involved, things may get tricky. Always trying to be the bigger person, letting your partner take responsibility and keeping the child’s best interests in mind can be exhausting, and in some cases it’s a futile battle. Managing to reconcile your differences, forming a healthy understanding with the capacity to co-parent, is ideal. You’re then able to keep things fair, peaceful and respectful for the sake of your children.

BEING A SINGLE PARENT
Clarity is an important part of any relationship. So, if you are a single parent navigating a new relationship, you will need to have a big discussion about your child’s needs versus their expectations when coming into this relationship with you. Let your new partner understand that you and your child come as a package deal, and that you will have open communication with their other parent.

Ask your new partner what their thoughts are on this agreement and find out whether they’re comfortable with proceeding. If they are, give them useful advice on how to act around your ex and child, what your lifestyle and weekly schedule involves, and what the dynamic between you and your ex is like. Transparency will go a long way in fostering a healthy new relationship that benefits all parties involved.



FORGIVE AND FORGET?
If you’re in a new relationship, it’s important to consider how your current partner feels about you maintaining a friendship with an ex. Your new partner might be weary and see it as a sign that you aren’t serious about your relationship. The success of your current relationship might be at risk if you insist on remaining in contact with your ex. This is where trust and compromise are essential. Assure your partner that they can feel secure in your relationship and that you respect their values or boundaries. Remember to always consider their needs and feelings, too.

RESPECT GOES BOTH WAYS
Have a conversation with your partner regarding appropriate contact and what needs to be limited. For example, your partner may feel uncomfortable with the friendship between you and your ex, and them hanging around and visiting too much. In this instance, you’ll need to address your ex and let them know you’re not always going to be accessible to them. Make it clear that you’re building a new life with your current partner. If they don’t respect this, consider it a red flag, and that you may need to reconsider keeping in contact with them.

TEXT: SAHRAH ENOUS