THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES OF CHILDREN

All they need is love right? Well, for parents, it may not always seem that simple. We help you find out what kind of love your little one appreciates the most

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I spent a few days working from home while the kids were still enjoying their school holidays earlier this year. And while I enjoyed being able to spend some extra quality time and have lunch with them, some days were better than others.

We had, “Mommy, come look at this!” during Zoom meetings, and the need for some cuddles and kisses when I really needed to make that deadline. Just like adults, kids show love in many ways, and they want a specific blend of attention and affection from their parents (even when we don’t always have the time).

This got me thinking of ways to really maximise the effort from my side without feeling drained and exhausted at the end of the week.

Authors Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell set out the magic formula in their book The 5 Love Languages of Children, where they outline the languages as: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch and acts of service.

They explain that the idea behind love languages is to better understand and communicate a person’s love expectations. With this in mind, parents can focus on small gestures we can offer our little ones to make sure they feel appreciated.

1. PHYSICAL TOUCH
Do they... Constantly love being in your physical space by touching you or playing with your hair. That’s a sign that they find comfort in physical touch.

What you can do:
• Come up with your own special handshake.
• Sit close to them while watching a movie or at story time.

2. QUALITY TIME
Do they... Yell out, “Watch me do this!” or “Come play with me!” These little ones are begging for special moments with you.

What you can do:
• Draw or journal together.
• Do fun, creative activities together (see page 52 for how to make cool bath bombs).
• Let them help you around the house.
• Listen to their stories, opinions and feelings.

3. ACTS OF SERVICE
Do they... Beg you to help them tie their shoes, find their lost teddy or fix a broken toy? Parents of these demanding little ones may feel like servants but reconsider these requests as simple ways to feel loved.

What you can do:
• Make a list of their favourite things to do and then tick them off together.
• Occasionally carry them to bed at night and tuck them in.
• Sit down and do a homework activity together.



4. RECEIVING GIFTS
Do they... Have trouble throwing out things they have been given (even if they haven’t looked at them in ages). They tend to remember specific details of the day the gift was given too. Children who enjoy receiving gifts also pay special attention to how the present is wrapped and who gave it to them.

What you can do:
• Gift them with a book that you can read together.
• Make their favourite meal or treat.
• Create a photo album or scrapbook about them.
• Gift them with a special song (create your own).
• Create a spa day with manicures or a game night with games like Twister.

5. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
Do they... Offer you lots of sweet feedback like, “You are the best mommy and daddy.” This means they relish words of affirmation themselves, and love it when you praise or applaud them.

What you can do...
• Write sweet love notes to pop in their lunchbox.
• Come up with an affectionate nickname for them.
• Use encouraging words or sayings often.

Good Reads
Want to learn more? Read these!

The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell (Northfield, R326)

Calm Parents, Happy Kids: The Secrets of Stress-Free Parenting by Dr Laura Markham (Vermillion, R374)

The Conscious Parent by Shefali Tsabary (Namaste, R365)

The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson (Robinson, R350)

Text: Melissa Ndlovu