TEACHING YOUR KIDS THE VALUE OF SOLID RELATIONSHIPS

Nobody exists in a vacuum. From the very moment we’re born, we look to others for support – physical, social, intellectual, and emotional. Throughout our lives, we seek social acceptance and companionship. So, is it crucial that we know from an early age how to build strong interpersonal relationships?

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WEALTH OF NATIONS
From primary caregivers, siblings, and grandparents, to teachers, friends and – later on – romantic partners and co-workers, different relationships throughout our lives require different management and maintenance. Ideally, a secure attachment to the primary caregiver is where this process starts. From babyhood, the success of this non-verbal and emotional relationship enables a child to feel secure enough to develop fully and affects how they will interact, communicate, and form relationships throughout their life.

FROM THE BOTTOM UP
This foundation sets the stage for learning other valuable lessons from subsequent relationships.

FOR EXAMPLE:
• A relationship with a family pet can inculcate a necessary respect for all living things.
• Sibling rivalry demonstrates lessons in sharing (from mom to a favoured toy)
• Grandparents instill a sense of generational perspective
• Friends unmask a variety of individual traits (some good, some bad)
• Teachers create awareness around values such as authority and mutual respect
• Romantic partners teach about vulnerability and accountability
• Co-workers demand friendship alongside professionalism.

KEEP IT HEALTHY
Clear communication is critical to any relationship. So, when you are thinking about how to shape sound interpersonal skills in your child, start with a communication skills audit by asking yourself these two important questions: Is your child a good listener? Is your child able to accurately articulate their feelings? This will give you some sense of where to start creating or adding to the skills required to be a good son, daughter, brother, sister, friend and so on.



How to develop clear communication skills in your child model good listening: Kneel to your child’s level, make eye contact, remove distractions and show signs of listening – verbal (spoken responses) or non-verbal (nodding your head).

Verify good listening: Encourage your child to repeat back to you, in their own words, what you have said to them. And praise them when they are correct.

Enforce etiquette around interruption: Demonstrate courtesy by not interrupting your child when they are speaking. Remind them to allow you to speak fully too.

State your own feelings and thoughts clearly: Use ‘I’ instead of ‘you’ (‘I am upset that you didn’t pick up your toys’ versus ‘You’ve made me upset by not picking up your toys’).

Ask probing questions to open communication: Encourage your child to assign ‘feeling words’ to their emotions (‘I’m angry, sad, frustrated, pleased…’), rather than just expressing through actions (walking away or using gestures)

Text by: Ciska Thurman