THE TREATY OF TEACHERS & PARENTS

For ages there have been arguments, phone calls and please-explains when it comes to our kids’ education. But parents and teachers working together does a world of benefit.

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What greater story could be told than the Parent, the Teacher and the Child? Where the parent and teacher work together, fighting the greatest battles to save the child from low self-esteem, peer pressure and poor grades.

South Africans value education but our resources don’t always make up for what we lack in our basic curriculum. “The curriculum can really demotivate children, and put a damper on their self-esteem and identity instead of really looking at their own abilities,” says Taahirah Chafeker, a trainee educational psychologist.

There’s no one-size-fits-all method to learning, and every child has their own obstacles to overcome when they are in a classroom. But while teachers and parents fight about who is right and who is not doing their job properly, children are struggling in their little worlds.

Between the “lawnmower” or “helicopter” parents (who want to control everything) and simply being exhausted by the education system, how do we join forces and focus on what matters most: the children?

WHO’S THE ACTUAL PARENT?
“Teachers don’t hate teaching. Teachers hate that the job is now about being a ‘daytime parent’ and behaviour interventionist instead of teaching content,” reads the caption on a recent TikTok video posted by the user Honest Teacher. Parents, in turn, complain about teachers’ lack of skills without considering they work with 30-plus children who are all different.

There’s a huge divide between these two sides. However, when they work together, parents and teachers can nurture confident, resilient human beings. “Children thrive with any opportunity to share and connect with their parents, so asking about their day, taking an interest in what they are learning at school and assisting with homework makes a huge difference,” says Illze*, a foundation phase teacher in Cape Town.

Mbali*, another foundation phase teacher, adds: “Parents are the ones children interact with the most, and they want their approval. So, the children of proactive parents stand out and put in more effort to do well and perform at school.” Illze further explains the effects of parent-teacher interactions on children. Teachers and parents form the support base of the triangle – giving guidance, security and encouragement to the child.

The child is at the apex, absorbing all the energy from their support structures. “So teachers and parents should be mindful of what they say about each other around children, because it will affect the child reaching and unlocking their potential,” says Mbali “Children need constant love and attention, and affirmation that their parents are proud and show interest.” The same is true with their teachers: when the child comes home with that gold star, it immediately sets the tone.

KEEP IN TOUCH
The key to success is good communication. “I work with six to ten year olds,” says Mbali. “I can’t build a relationship with an adult based on what a child says.” She urges parents and teachers, as the two main adult figures in a child’s life, to form positive interpersonal connections based on mutual respect and understanding.

Illze believes schools can organise better ways for teachers and parents to interact, such as workshops, social media posts, WhatsApp groups, social events and forums for important topics. With these structures, boundaries still need to be put in place.

WhatsApp and other social media may give parents quick and convenient access to the teacher (which in itself could be overwhelming for the latter), but issues can also fall through the cracks. “We need to be keeping an official record if a child has problems, so the next teacher has access to a portfolio of the child’s needs and incidents,” Mbali explains.

The days of putting pen to paper may seem to be over, but it’s more courteous to send an email or letter with regards to any concerns you wish to raise about your child or their learning. Respect teachers for the vital role they play in your child’s life and address them as you would any human being.

This will build mutual trust. When you work together, you can better guide and empower strong children. * Names changed to protect their identity.

Get involved
There are ways to be more involved in your child’s life without being too overbearing (yet not too nonchalant):

– Treat your child’s teachers professionally and with respect.
– Keep up to date with the school’s social media.
– Send check-in messages to a teacher when needed (via email or WhatsApp, or whichever channel the teacher prefers).
– Respect that weekends and evenings are personal time for teachers.
– Understand that teachers also have stressful jobs and lives (just like you do).
– Consider the curriculum and how your child’s personality may be affected by it, and can be adapted to it.
– Speak to teachers about your child’s performance and listen to any concerns they may have.
– Speak mindfully about teachers (especially in front of your child).
– Discuss any statements made by your child that have been a cause for concern for the teacher.

by Saadiqah Schroeder