LONG-DISTANCE PARENTING

Away over Christmas and New Year? It can be hard in thee season of togetherness, but there are ways to keep the bond strong and support the one who is home with the kids.

---

With the economy tight and jobs scarce, many parents find themselves working in different cities – or even countries. It’s not easy being away from your partner and children, and the festive season is particularly tricky, when families traditionally come together to celebrate, share presents and love and make new memories. But there are ways you can make it work, especially in the Digital Age.

1. MAKE SURE CHILDREN UNDERSTAND.
Talk it through with them in an age-appropriate way, says Joburg-based counselling psychologist Karin Steyn. Explain that you are where you are to make things better for the family because you love them. Answer any questions they have fully and be upbeat - let them know you miss them enormously but are well, and they will be too.

2. LET THEM KNOW WHEN YOU WILL BE BACK.
A big fear for any child is abandonment by a parent, so take every opportunity to reassure them, Karin says. For younger children, you could create a kind of 'advent calendar' that counts down to the date you'll be home, each day concealing a small treat, by converting and personalising a traditional Christmas calendar.

3. HELP THEM PICTURE WHERE YOU ARE.
Send them photos and videos with captions and commentary, and ask them to send you theirs, so you continue to be a part of each other's lives. Include images of where you are staying, places you visit, and colleagues or friends, so they can picture them when you mention them or tell them this is who you will be with on Christmas or New Year's Day.

4. PUT UP DECORATIONS IN YOUR ROOM OR OFFICE
alongside photos of the children, so they can see you are in the festive spirit - and they are in your heart. They can share pictures of decorations they are making and putting up at home, with help from your other half (ask them in advance, so they can gather coloured card, glitter or other helpful supplies).

5. PLAN FOR THE SPECIAL FESTIVE DAYS.
Discuss with your other half how, where and with whom they will spend these days, and ways you could still be part of it. You could make it a virtual celebration, inviting extended family, wherever they are, to drop by the chat any time from 6pm to 8pm, or for New Year, from 8pm to midnight. Suggest you all dress up for fun or wear fancy hats. Alternatively, you can celebrate on a different day when you are back home, sticking to all your usual traditions, from putting out milk and cookies for Santa to staying up until midnight.

6. SUPPORT YOUR OTHER HALF THROUGHOUT.
Stay in close communication, make sure you are on the same parenting page in terms of routines and discipline, and back them up, says Karin. You will hopefully have done some Christmas preparation before you left, such as buying presents and leaving them wrapped for your partner to distribute or put under the tree. Otherwise, ask a friend or relative to help and take pressure off the solo parent.

7. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
It's difficult being apart from your family. Find comfort by going for a walk, meeting up with work friends for a meal, or just relaxing and watching holiday movies in your room (with your favourite snacks). Better yet, volunteer at a shelter (google to find one nearby), helping others who don't have families. Share these images with your own family and give thanks for having them in your life.


Words by: Glynis Horning
Photo: Gallo/Getty Images