YOUR GUIDE TO GO ON SOLO DATES

The festive season can be overwhelming, so take some time for yourself and go on a solo date. They are essential for a life well lived

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In her extraordinarily successful book The Artist’s Way (over five millions copies sold since it was first published in 1992), author Julia Cameron outlines a 12-week creativity course that includes a weekly ritual known as the ‘Artist Date’.

As she describes it, “The Artist Date is a once-weekly, festive, solo expedition to explore something that interests you. The Artist Date need not be overtly ‘artistic’ – think mischief more than mastery. Artist Dates fire up the imagination. They spark whimsy. They encourage play... When choosing an Artist Date, it is good to ask yourself, ‘What sounds fun?’ – and then allow yourself to try it.”

It is revolutionary in its simplicity, and also in its novelty: how many of us ever give ourselves permission to indulge in solo activities purely for fun, without any payoff beyond getting a kick out of it? It’s the very opposite of our productivity- and social status- obsessed culture. This could be at least part of the reason Julia’s book has remained enduringly popular: we need permission, now more than ever, to pursue solo whimsies and celebrate life in whatever fashion suits us. We don’t have to call it an Artist Date – it’s certainly not just for artists.

“Cultivating a relationship with yourself, going solo, is a vital journey of self-discovery and personal empowerment. It allows you to truly understand who you are at your
core, independent of anyone else’s influence,” says relationship coach Shelley Lewin, author of Uncomplicated Love, who believes the most important relationship we will ever have is with ourselves, first.

“The benefits are immense. When you invest time and energy in yourself, you nurture your primary relationship, build resilience and foster a deep sense of self-worth. You learn to trust your own judgement, make decisions that align with your values, and take ownership of your life. This self- relationship becomes the foundation for all other relationships, enabling you to form healthier connections with others based on authenticity and mutual respect,” says Shelley.

If we are unaccustomed to solo dates, there is always the chance that we may avoid them due to self- consciousness, having internalised the message that enjoying life to the fullest without a partner in tow is somehow shameful or undesirable. “Self consciousness is a fear of being perceived negatively by others,” says Shelley. “Remember that everyone has insecurities and can feel inadequate in different aspects of life. But the opinions of others hold no real power over your self-worth – unless you allow it.”

We may also be tempted to delay experiences we wish to have in the hopes that a partner will appear – because, surely, everything is more enjoyable with a mate? This is a less- than-ideal plan, says Shelley.

“Waiting for a relationship to pursue certain experiences limits your potential for personal growth and fulfilment. Your life is too precious to delay your dreams and desires until a partner comes along. By embracing solo adventures, you open yourself
up to a world of pleasure, adventure, fun and self-care.”

THIS SELF-RELATIONSHIP BECOMES THE FOUNDATION FOR ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS, ENABLING YOU TO FORM HEALTHIER CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS

Travel to the destinations you’ve always dreamed of, try new hobbies and indulge in activities that you know will bring you joy. You deserve to experience the full spectrum of life, regardless of your relationship status, says Shelley. “Embracing solo experiences not only enriches your own life but also allows you to meet new people, form meaningful connections and create lasting memories.”



WHERE TO START?
Be sure to tick these boxes for solo date success, says Shelley:

Challenge yourself. Begin by setting the intention to push yourself slightly past your comfort zone and into the ‘stretch’ or growth zone. Ask yourself: If you were courageous enough to take one giant leap towards your own well-being, what would that be?

Pinpoint your passion. Take some time to reflect on activities that truly bring you happiness and fulfilment. Listen to your inner voice and identify activities that resonate with your passions. Make a list of activities that genuinely interest you, where you can immerse yourself in the joy of the experience rather than worrying about what others might think.

Make it official. Mark your solo dates on your calendar. By committing to a day and time, you are committing to more fun, self-acceptance and growth.

Follow through. Celebrate your accomplishments and progress, no matter how small, and gradually expand your ‘stretch zone’ – or fear zone – which inevitably becomes your learning and growth zone.

Find your circle. Surround yourself with positive influences, supportive friends and empowering role models who inspire you to be unapologetically yourself.

Be in it for the long run. Remind yourself that self-love is an ongoing process, so be patient and kind to yourself as you discover what truly nourishes your soul.


By: Robyn Maclarty
Photo & illustrations: Gallo/Getty Images