TIPS TO RAISE GRATEFUL KIDS

We live in a time where our little ones are exposed to the finer things in life and, sometimes, they may feel entitled to those things. Listen up! It’s never too late to raise kids who are selfless, grateful, kind and emotionally sound. Here’s how to turn things around.

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These days, little ones are exposed to streaming services, smartphones, takeaways, restaurants and all the fun things modern society has to offer. And yes, as busy parents, we often use these luxuries to help us get through the day – without thinking about the long-term effects and how they soon become an expectation. I am guilty of this and quickly had to face reality when my kids would recommend ordering in on a whim. I had to take stock of my own behaviour and what I was teaching my children. These were luxuries, not necessities. 

I frantically went in search of a book to help me along, and stumbled upon Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World by Kristen Welch. I noted a few helpful hints to add to my arsenal of getting my kiddies (or myself!) on the right track. Yes, behaviours are learnt and when I read: “And as uncomfortable as it sounds, parents who want less entitled kids have to be less entitled themselves, and parents who want to raise more grateful kids need to start by living more grateful lives.” That truly hit home for me. So, in my mission to spark gratitude in my children, I tried the following:

SET AN EXAMPLE
Kids learn a lot from watching their parents. Show them what it means to be grateful by offering a genuine ‘thank you’ to someone who does something for you. Don’t stop there, though. Include your kids by thanking them for doing things that are helpful. It reinforces positive behaviour and lets them know they are appreciated.

HAVE A CHAT
For some kids, especially young children, it helps to talk with them about how showing appreciation makes other people feel. Try asking your child how they feel when people say thank you to them for doing something nice, and then how they feel when they are not thanked. Going over their own feelings will help them understand how their behaviour affects others, and make it easier for them to understand the emotional benefits of being grateful.

GIVE THEM CHORES
As basic is it may seem, making sure your kids have chores around the house develops a sense of responsibility and purpose. Start with small things like picking up toys, drying the dishes and sweeping or vacuuming their rooms.

PUT THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE
Talk to your kids about those who are less fortunate. Don’t scare them, but don’t keep them in the dark either. Understanding that not everyone has the same advantages will help them develop compassion for others and gratitude for their own privileges.

MAKE GRATITUDE A BEDTIME ROUTINE
When you put your children to bed at night, ask them to tell you three things they’re grateful for. Even if they’ve had a bad day, it will help them – and you - put things into perspective end the day on a good note.

LET TEENS CONTRIBUTE FINANCIALLY
It’s easy for children to get the impression that there is an endless flow of treats or luxuries, without giving a thought to where they come from. Whether it’s saving up to pay half of a new gadget, buy their own bike or contribute to their own civvies day money, when we give our children the opportunity to work hard for what they desire, they will value it a lot more when they get it.

GIVE THESE A TRY
Some of the over-arching themes of the book I include: 

– Be a parent to your kids. You can be their friend once they’re independent. 

– Learn to say “no” even if there is a resulting fallout. 

– Stick to rules you think are best for your kids, even if it makes them ‘uncool’ (for example, holding off on giving them smartphones). 

– It’s okay to feel unhappy or experience failure. The best way to help our kids is to not help them sometimes. 

– Don’t let your home become a child-centred home: “Kids expect more of us and less of themselves.”


By: Melissa Ndlovu
Photo: Gallo/Getty Images Life Psychology