Do you struggle to make connections as an adult? Perhaps it’s time to join a social club...
Think back to your childhood and how you made friends – you’ll likely recall making instant connections on the playground, writing long letters to a friend at a different school (and posting them to an actual PO box!), or spending time with your teammates after a sports match had ended. As adults, many people admit to struggling with making new friends. But it doesn’t end there - young adults admit that they find it difficult finding (and maintaining) potential love interests despite the many dating apps available. They’re experiencing ‘swipe right’ fatigue and are becoming entangled in blurred lines.
Maybe it’s that we’ve lost that uncomplicated, innocent approach to connection from our childhood? Or social media and apps – with their unrealistic comparisons – have made us more self-aware and less able to be our authentic selves around others?
Just because making connections seems to have become challenging over the years doesn’t mean that adults aren’t longing for new friendships. It simply means that finding them has become a whole lot more complicated.
Maybe it’s that we’ve lost that uncomplicated, innocent approach to connection from our childhood? Or social media and apps – with their unrealistic comparisons – have made us more self-aware and less able to be our authentic selves around others?
Just because making connections seems to have become challenging over the years doesn’t mean that adults aren’t longing for new friendships. It simply means that finding them has become a whole lot more complicated.
DO YOU REALLY NEED FRIENDS?
Yes, says Daniel den Hollander, a clinical psychologist based in Cape Town. “Social interaction fosters relationships, and relationships give us security, safety, love, acceptance and affirmation. We develop emotionally through people who build into us,” he says. It isn’t always easy meeting new people, especially if you’re more introverted or struggle with social anxiety or are hoping to make a good impression. This is where technology has stepped in to save the day. It’s easier to connect through social media, as there is less judgement of how you interact, how you look or how easily you’re able to engage in a flowing conversation.
“Rather see virtual spaces as a way of learning to become more confident with in-person interactions. Like using a crutch when we have broken a leg, the crutch is only useful in supporting and developing or healing the skills we need for authentic communication,” says Daniel, highlighting that if we permanently use our crutch, we will not develop our skills, and they may become stunted.
BENEFITS OF KEEPING IT REAL
When comparing virtual interactions with good old in-person chats, psychologist Daniel den Hollander says the two forms of interaction should be complementary rather than attempt to replace each other. Some of the strengths of in-person interactions are:
– Deeper emotional resonance. In person, we have a stronger sense of emotional connection.
– Picking up on social cues. We sometimes miss tone, body language, facial expressions and context when we engage solely online, which increases the possibility of misunderstandings.
– Richness of interaction. We are more attentive when we are physically together, which allows for deeper and more meaningful conversations. The connection is more authentic because we don’t always have control over how we want to appear.
– Richness of interaction. We are more attentive when we are physically together, which allows for deeper and more meaningful conversations. The connection is more authentic because we don’t always have control over how we want to appear.
GETTING OVER THAT AWKWARD MOMENT...
So, when you do step into a new crowd, rather than focusing on your discomfort, Daniel says you should reframe your thinking to become curious of those around you.
“Start small with what you are comfortable with, and as you gain confidence, push yourself. If you have a bad experience, learn from it, secure your boundaries and support, and try again. Remember, the skills we are most proud of are often the skills that took the most work to develop.”
JOIN THE CLUB
Enter social clubs. They offer a safe way to explore and enjoy a hobby or interest you’re passionate about, while making new connections.
I have a friend who grew up in a tight-knit community in a small town in the Northern Cape. So, making friends as an adult in a big city isn’t always easy for her.
“It’s more difficult to make friends as an adult because you’re exhausted after work and you already have your close friends who you spend your free time with,” she admits.
When we spend time together, we do all the regular things – braais, movies, sushi dates and self-care Sundays. But outside of our friendship, it turns out she has a whole other identity in a social club.
Initially, she joined an all-female bootcamp exercise group instead of going to a gym. This group then started going for coffee dates and nature walks outside of their regular exercise sessions... Last year, they even embarked on a four-day walking trip in a remote part of the Western Cape mountains. So, joining the group has not only boosted her health but expanded her horizons, too.
The friendships she’s made through her exercise group are different from others as they understand one another in a unique way and have shared goals. “We all know the hard work that goes into training. As someone who never exercised before this, my group has always motivated me with positive words. It’s very uplifting. It’s a great community that builds each other up.”
HOW TO FIND YOUR TRIBE
Here are a few suggestions of clubs across the country as a starting point. There are likely many unofficial social clubs that exist within your community, so reach out to others to find out what’s happening.
IF YOU’RE INTO STAYING ACTIVE
The options for running clubs and exercise groups have exploded in recent years, with people coming together to safely walk, run, hike, cycle or dance. Reach out to the local gym or ask around at the next sports event. Note that with fitness groups you need to factor in time for the activity itself, and for socializing and relaxing afterwards! Pick a club that has regular meetups and a large community, like the Lowveld Rambling Club in Mpumalanga. Started over 40 years ago, the group goes on weekly hikes and has members of varying ages.
So, when you do step into a new crowd, rather than focusing on your discomfort, Daniel says you should reframe your thinking to become curious of those around you.
“Start small with what you are comfortable with, and as you gain confidence, push yourself. If you have a bad experience, learn from it, secure your boundaries and support, and try again. Remember, the skills we are most proud of are often the skills that took the most work to develop.”
JOIN THE CLUB
Enter social clubs. They offer a safe way to explore and enjoy a hobby or interest you’re passionate about, while making new connections.
I have a friend who grew up in a tight-knit community in a small town in the Northern Cape. So, making friends as an adult in a big city isn’t always easy for her.
“It’s more difficult to make friends as an adult because you’re exhausted after work and you already have your close friends who you spend your free time with,” she admits.
When we spend time together, we do all the regular things – braais, movies, sushi dates and self-care Sundays. But outside of our friendship, it turns out she has a whole other identity in a social club.
Initially, she joined an all-female bootcamp exercise group instead of going to a gym. This group then started going for coffee dates and nature walks outside of their regular exercise sessions... Last year, they even embarked on a four-day walking trip in a remote part of the Western Cape mountains. So, joining the group has not only boosted her health but expanded her horizons, too.
The friendships she’s made through her exercise group are different from others as they understand one another in a unique way and have shared goals. “We all know the hard work that goes into training. As someone who never exercised before this, my group has always motivated me with positive words. It’s very uplifting. It’s a great community that builds each other up.”
HOW TO FIND YOUR TRIBE
Here are a few suggestions of clubs across the country as a starting point. There are likely many unofficial social clubs that exist within your community, so reach out to others to find out what’s happening.
IF YOU’RE INTO STAYING ACTIVE
The options for running clubs and exercise groups have exploded in recent years, with people coming together to safely walk, run, hike, cycle or dance. Reach out to the local gym or ask around at the next sports event. Note that with fitness groups you need to factor in time for the activity itself, and for socializing and relaxing afterwards! Pick a club that has regular meetups and a large community, like the Lowveld Rambling Club in Mpumalanga. Started over 40 years ago, the group goes on weekly hikes and has members of varying ages.
IF READING IS YOUR THING
Print is not dead, and neither are book clubs... they just look a little different. It’s easier than ever to connect with other readers on apps like BookTok and arrange to meet for a coffee while talking about your favorite characters and plots – and possibly set the scene for your own romance story! You can also connect with avid readers by attending book fairs, book launches and other literary events.
At the Silent Book Club in Cape Town, readers come together to quietly read whatever they’d like for an hour (books or magazines) and then mingle socially afterwards. For updates, follow the group on Instagram (@cptsilentbookclub).
These days, electronic forms of reading material provide instant access to stories and information. A digital magazine subscription also includes past issues, video links and even online shopping.
FOR FOOD, FUN & GAMES
If introducing yourself to a stranger at a bar is too far out of your comfort zone, join a club that arranges events for mingling. Curated Connections offers matchmaking events, but you can also join just to make new friends. Events in Johannesburg and Cape Town include social ‘speed-dating’ and padel tournaments.
The International Women’s Club of Durban has regular meetups between South African women and those from other countries (who live in the city). It hosts events such as coffee and chats, gardening groups, yoga and quiz nights. It’s a great way to learn about other cultures and even work on your travel bucket-list through the connections you’ll make.
So, if you want real-life connections, join a social club. You’re not the only person looking for meaningful and fun ways to spend your down time.
By: Shani Tsai
Text courtesy of Jet magazine
Photo: Getty images
SHOULD YOU JOIN A SOCIAL CLUB?
Reviewed by Amaarah
on
March 03, 2025
Rating:
Reviewed by Amaarah
on
March 03, 2025
Rating:
