4 TIPS TO NAVIGATE INTERCULTURAL LOVE

Intercultural romance can be enriching and enlightening-and not without its challenges. How can you make sure your blended relationship is more melting pot than meltdown?

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While South Africa is not the most ethnically diverse country in the world (that title belongs to Papua New Guinea, which has thousands of ethnic groups, each with their own languages and customs), we're near the top of the list. The World Atlas ranks South Africa as the eighth most ethnically diverse country, which makes us one of the most culturally rich and vibrant nations on the planet.

Of course, this diversity means every one of us has to navigate cross-cultural relationships of one kind or another, whether it's a colleague, friend, your GP or your taxi driver. And some of us fall in love across cultures, which presents its own unique challenges.

"We often underestimate how much our cultural beliefs and upbringing inform how we engage with the world around us," says clinical psychologist Monique Mostert. "Our cultural socialisation determines how we interpret and respond to social stimuli. It is almost automatic, and we therefore run the risk of assuming that other people use the same `blueprint' to make sense of the world."

When two people from different cultural or racial backgrounds are in a romantic relationship, she adds, it is logical that these cultural differences might cause challenges. "They might be using two different proverbial 'maps' to navigate social interactions and relationships."

Having different mother tongues (first languages) is one of the most common factors associated with cultural differences, says Monique. "This can be a barrier, as couples might find it hard to express their true feelings in a language that is not their native language."

Another common challenge is a lack of support from family or friends, who may disapprove of romantic relationships outside of perceived cultural boundaries.

"Couples don't function in isolated silos but engage with society and the people around them. Friends and family (due to their own cultural socialisation) might not be very supportive of your cross-cultural relationship. This can put strain on any relationship."

MAKE LOVE LAST
Monique shares four tips to give your inter-cultural love affair the best chance of lasting:

1. BE REALISTIC
It is helpful to gain an understanding of some of the dynamics and challenges cross-cultural couples might experience. Should you be confronted by such challenges, you will then interpret it as a predictable hurdle rather than an insurmountable obstacle.

2. LISTEN WITH HUMILITY
Acknowledge that you might not fully understand your partner's experience of the world, and that's okay. If something is not within your frame of reference it does not mean it is not real for your partner.

3. BE OPEN TO LEARNING
Gaining an in-depth understanding of each other's cultural practices will help you develop true appreciation of their significance and meaning and demystify possible misconceptions. So be open to learning about each other's customs and traditions.

4. DON'T NEGLECT YOUR OWN CULTURE
Being in a cross-cultural relationship often requires compromise. However, that does not mean that you need to give up all of your own cultural traditions.

By: Robyn MacLarty
Photography by: Gallo/Getty Images