WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO LET YOUR CHILD GET A CELLPHONE?

When should you let your child have a cellphone, go on a sleepover or start dating? Helen Gosnell, a facilitator at the Parent Centre offers some guidance.

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Leaving the nest
Most, though not all, children are happy to sleep over at friends’ houses by the age of seven or eight. Even so, delaying the start of sleepovers means children are better equipped to handle situations that are different to their own. Always be guided by your child. Staying with family is often the first step to sleeping out, but even if it is with family there are a few important points to remember.

Never force your child to sleep out. If he or she is unhappy about sleeping out, there is probably a good reason. It may be that your child prefers his or her own space and routine. Or it could be that your child feels uncomfortable in another home. Also get to know the family where your child wants to stay. Don’t be shy to ask questions: who will be sleeping over at the house; what are the sleeping arrangements; what will happen if your child falls ill or wants to come home?

Equally important is to educate your child before they start sleeping over, about how to behave, what they can expect and what to do if they feel unsafe or scared. And the cardinal rule? Make sure your child knows your phone number by heart.

Related article: Is your child hanging with the wrong crowd?



‘But everyone has one’
There is no ‘right’ age to give your child a cellphone, but make it a decision that has been thought through, and not an impulse gift. Delay giving your child a cellphone for as long as possible. Ask yourself if your child really needs a phone. Don’t be swayed by the argument that ‘everyone has one’.

As a first phone, consider a block phone with only SMS and call facilities. If the first phone your child receives is a smart phone, they will never be happy with anything less. Also, have strict rules around its use, which will help reduce the dangers of cyber bullying. From the time your child first gets a cellphone, make sure you have access to their passwords. Even if you don’t check the messages, let them know that this is a condition of their owning a phone.

Make it a rule that you are a friend of theirs on all social media platforms they use. Let them know this is not because you don’t trust them, but to keep them safe. Adhere to the age restrictions of these platforms (mostly 13 and over), and educate your child about who they befriend online and the permanance of what they post (the minute something is posted, it exists in some form forever). Also encourage them to tell you if they feel uncomfortable about anything happening online.

Related article: 101 on teens and their screens



When adolescence kicks in
Children are maturing physically faster than a generation ago, and they are exposed to more media of all sorts. The result has been an earlier onset of dating. Unfortunately, what has not developed faster is emotional maturity.

Parents should encourage children to see the opposite sex as friends from a young age, and to keep up this subtle message into the teen years. Along with this, parents need to talk about sex and sexuality when opportunities arise, so that kids learn the facts in a mature and responsible way. Waiting for one big ‘birds and bees’ talk might no longer be appropriate.

Research has shown that the more educated children are about sex, the later they start having sex, and the safer their behaviour. These are very compelling reasons to get over our own discomfort as parents with the topic of sexuality. When parents impart their own values on dating and sex openly and without embarrassment, the chances are higher that their children will behave responsibly and sensibly.