EXPERT RELATIONSHIP TIPS TO KEEP THE FIRE BURNING

In need of substantial relationship advice, unlike the usual ‘don’t go to bed angry’ and ‘make quality time a priority’? We’ve asked experts for their best relationship advice.

---

When it comes to maintaining a healthy body and mind, we go for our annual check-ups, eat healthily, rest, and work out regularly. But how do we maintain a loving romantic relationship? We asked three relationship experts for the advice they most often give their clients. Here’s what they said.



‘NORMALISE QUALITY COMMUNICATION’
‘A healthy relationship requires constant, open, and honest communication, a lack of which often leads to blow-ups and resentment,’ says personal development and relationship coach Thembi Hama. However, she adds that it does not always have to focus on a problem; it could just be joking or checking up on each other. ‘Couples who develop this habit will find it easier to discuss serious issues when they arise,’ she adds.

If you’d like to introduce a tricky subject, try the following talking points:

1. Ask your partner a specific question about something you’d like clarity on.
2. Highlight what you wish they would start (or stop) doing to better the relationship, and why.
3. Ask if there’s anything they’d like you to start (or stop) doing, and why.
4. Review common goals you both share.

Don’t forget to try the compliment sandwich: ‘If you’d like to address something you’re unhappy about, include lots of praise both before and after introducing the topic,’ she says.

Related article: Dream date ideas



‘KEEP INTIMACY ALIVE’
‘Intimacy is your deepest connection to your partner,’ says Tracy Ziman Jacobs, a relationship and intimacy coach. It is sometimes mistaken for intercourse.

There are five types of intimacy that she believes couples should develop:

1. Physical intimacy includes everything from holding hands and cuddling to kissing.
2. Emotional intimacy is feeling safe enough to share your innermost feelings in order to be a supportive partner.
3. Intellectual intimacy is the ability to share your thoughts and ideas, for example, discussing the news, work issues or brainstorming.
4. Spiritual intimacy can include connecting with your partner through faith.
5. Social intimacy involves things you enjoy doing as a couple such as cooking together.

‘Simply being aware of each of these types of intimacy, and addressing whether any of them requires attention, can bring couples so much closer,’ she adds.


Related article: Which of these 3 attachment styles are you?



‘MAKE VALIDATION AND AFFIRMATION A PRIORITY’
‘In every relationship, each partner wants to know that they are loved, valued, and appreciated,’ says Nozi Nyawose, a clinical psychologist and host of Honey TV’s Love Me or Leave Me.

Show validation by:

• Speaking to each other with respect and kindness.
• Responding with empathy and understanding.

Show affirmation by:

• Complimenting your partner.
• Showing appreciation for the time and work your partner has put into a situation.

‘It is important to hear kind words from the people we appreciate and value the most,’ she advises. ‘Tell your partner regularly, preferably daily, something that you admire or desire about them.’

Related article: How to save love