6 TIPS TO HELP YOU TAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP FROM GOOD TO GREAT

The quality of our relationships decides the quality of our lives. We share ways to make the magic last, whether you’ve been with your partner for a month, a year or a decade.

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1. Invest in yourself
‘The degree to which you love yourself, and feel whole and complete on your own, is the degree to which you can give and receive love,’ says conscious relationship coach Kas Naidoo.

Thembi Nzima agrees. After 10 years of marriage, she realised she didn’t know who she was anymore outside of being a mother and wife. ‘I did some soul searching and, eventually, I realised I missed painting, something I did in high school but gave up. So now I have a little studio set up in our garage, and I spend an hour or two every week. It’s put me back in touch with a part of myself I didn’t know was missing! And my husband can see the difference – I am more patient and have more to give because I am giving to myself,’ says Thembi.

‘Give yourself permission to pursue what fulfils you outside of your relationship,’ adds Kas.



2. Never stop growing
When we commit to our own personal growth, we keep the relationship fresh and exciting, says Kas. ‘Can you improve your communication skills? Can you be a better partner, lover or parent? Can you learn to resolve conflict, so you both win instead of one winning and one losing? And if your relationship is in trouble, can you ask for help?

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3. Embrace authenticity
Often we only show our best side in the initial ‘falling in love’ phase, and we tend to hide our vulnerable side. ‘When we can show up in our full authenticity – reveal both our magnificence and our insecurities and fears – we can truly create meaningful relationships,’ says Kas.

4. Forsake the fairytale
The notion that one day the perfect person will come along and complete us, and we’ll live happily ever after is just that, a fairytale! Michelle Reese recalls how full of resentment she was in her first marriage. ‘I was unhappy that my partner couldn’t read my mind or anticipate my needs. When the same resentment began to creep into my second marriage, I realised perhaps I was the problem,’ she recalls.

Long-term love means sometimes you’ll feel irritable, disagree and feel neglected, but that’s normal. What counts is how you navigate these challenges. ‘You can certainly live happily ever after,’ says Kas, ‘but you need to invest time and energy into consciously creating a relationship that is mutually uplifting, loving, caring and supportive,’ says Kas.



5. Liven up
While every relationship needs stability, we also yearn for adventure. ‘Income stability, standard of living and a loyal, trustworthy partner are essential for a healthy relationship; but without adventure, it can become quite boring. Often, one or both partners are tempted to look outside the relationship. Instead, have new experiences together: travel, try new things, learn new skills, have fun!’ says Kas.

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6. Paint a bigger picture
There must be something about your partnership that is bigger than the two of you. How do you contribute to the world? How do you use your gifts to serve a greater purpose? What do you want to achieve together? It could be anything from raising healthy children and mutual growth to shared spiritual goals, a bucket list or philanthropy. Living in this way creates a deep bond and gives your life meaning.