HOW TO MAKE LOVE WORK WHEN YOU AND YOUR PARTNER HAVE DIFFERENT FAITHS

Dating and falling for that someone special is something almost all of us aspire to. With all that’s warm and fuzzy comes a lot more to consider when love comes knocking and your partner holds a different religious belief to yours.

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Religion, for many, is the bedrock on which their lives navigate, so being aware, open, and ready to compromise on your partner’s beliefs, primarily if they differ from yours, is the key to finding common ground and harmony in your relationship.

We all have predispositions and views on faith and our maker but taking a step back while adopting a non-judgemental approach to your better half’s beliefs, should they differ from yours, is vital.

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Acknowledgement
“It is essential to acknowledge another’s faith in a committed relationship,” Lesley Miles, a Cape Town-based clinical psychologist, points out. “Not only acknowledge but accept the validity of your partner’s perspective, even though yours may differ. It’s difficult to recognise that another person has had a whole world of experience that is different from our own – and that theirs is not necessarily wrong. This applies to all belief systems.”

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Keeping you both safe
Get these dos and don’ts sorted to help set a path that works for all.

Don’t

• Ignore your religious differences because you believe love conquers all.
• Don’t impose your beliefs on your partner.
• Assume that your differences will divide you.
• Dismiss concerns from extended family and close friends. That said, don’t allow extended family, close friends and/or faith leaders to get in the middle of your lovefest.
• Assume that you understand your partner’s relationship with their faith.
• Ask your children, should you have them, to choose between faiths

Do

• Address faith-based decisions that are not up for negotiation.
• Let go of the idea that conversion is the only solution.
• Continue exploring your relationship with your faith.
• Acknowledge the importance of genuinely accepting the differences between you and your partner.
• Always be open to exploring the similarities between values and belief systems between one another’s faiths.
• Plan for important holidays and special events to commemorate or celebrate, even if they’re not yours.

Don’t go it alone
Faith is personal, and for many it’s not something they can easily explain or share with others. As with any relationship, don’t allow issues to fester. Get help. There are professionals who specialise in interfaith relationships who can assist in overcoming what may seem insurmountable.

“Couples therapy is useful in any situation where there are differences of perspective or opinion, creating conflict,” Miles says. “ Centrally, it gives the couple a safe space to explore differences without becoming defensive or attacking. It helps them to listen and recognise that the other person in the relationship has their history and experiences, which have led them to where they are now.”

“People often feel very strongly about their religion. Effective couples therapy should enable couples to recognise and respect their different areas, including their faith.”

Face the facts
Admitting that you have different beliefs makes it real. Of course, the reality is scary, especially for those who are afraid of conflict, and yet, it is through healthy dialogue that couples evolve and learn how to love each other better.

Avoidance is never healthy, so stay open, even if it means the end of what you believed would last forever. Some things are simply not negotiable, and that’s okay too.

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