HOW TO CO-PARENT IF YOU DON'T GET ALONG

Divorce is difficult enough, especially when you don’t see eye-to-eye. Add kids into the equation and you might have your hands full. Navigating co-parenting may be difficult at first, but it’s not impossible.

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Celebrities like Jennifer Lopez and her ex Marc Anthony seem to have it down to a T. And Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have consciously uncoupled and are co-parenting their children. But what about us regular folk? Although it is not always easy, co-parenting is an essential element of putting the needs of your child first.

WHAT IS CO-PARENTING?
According to family therapist, Chauté Thompson, the term co-parenting means to collaborate with another parent to raise a child in a way that focuses on what is best for that child. The most typical form of co-parenting usually occurs when the parents end their romantic relationship (as in divorce or separation), but jointly raise their children.

Follow our useful advice if you are struggling to co-parent with your ex.

KEEP IT CIVIL IN FRONT OF THE KIDS
You are bound to have disagreements with your ex, especially when it involves the kids. Avoid arguments and confrontations with each other in front of your children. Your kids should not be part of that or feel that they need to choose sides. They should also not see their role models shouting at each other. If there is an issue, address it in a neutral setting when the kids are not present.

Some situations are unavoidable. So, when they arise, have a respectful discussion, and try to solve the problem in a civilised manner. Your children may even learn key problem-solving skills from watching you handle a tricky situation.



STAND AS A UNITED FRONT
Establish rules for the kids that both parties respect and agree to. Keep your differences aside and focus on what will benefit your kids. If there is agreement on an 8pm bedtime on weeknights, both parents should stick to this rule. Respecting the rules creates a stable routine for the kids – they know the rules are the same, no matter whom they are with. It also minimises the risks of kids taking chances, because they know you are a united front.

STAY FLEXIBLE
Stability is crucial, but certain situations require you to go with the flow. You must be flexible to accommodate your kids and previous partner. Sticking to your schedule is important, but last-minute changes pop up and you need to roll with them to avoid conflict. Try to give your ex the benefit of the doubt. Switch out days if they need to – you might find yourself in a comparable situation in the future and would like the same favour.

NEVER BAD-MOUTH EACH OTHER TO THE KIDS
Whenever a negative thought about your ex pops up in your head, use the three-second rule, breathe, and keep it to yourself. The consequences of bad-mouthing your kids’ other parents can be explosive. According to former judge Sherrill A. Ellsworth, you are teaching your kids to be disrespectful when you speak negatively in front of them.

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