HOW COUPLES WITH EQUAL AMBITION SUCCEED

Couples with equal ambition often succeed together. But what happens when the scales tip and one half doesn't feel the need to work hard consistently -should you move on or try and make it work?

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Perhaps you’ve recently found yourself wondering about all the things that your partner will and will not do. You may ask yourself: ‘Why doesn’t he clean up when I’m not home?’ or ‘Why hasn’t she been cooking us supper after work in the evening?’ Or you’re often focusing on the gaps in your relationship and where your partner is ‘lacking’. Expectations like these all stem from narrow perspectives on partnership. And maybe, just maybe, it’s better that you broaden your perspective instead of straight-out quitting and throwing in the proverbial towel.

ADJUST & ADAPT
Remember that, when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships, it’s important that you cultivate a partnership of mutual understanding where each person has freedom to contribute, make suggestions, and not fear being judged or ‘persecuted’. Being in a partnership with your significant other is not a matter of shared delegation. It is more about working together, sharing experiences, and adapting as things change with time. To help you adjust, we’ve got some useful tips and advice that may change the course of your relationship for the better...

NOTE TO SELF
Are you considering the worst? Wait. Here are a few questions you should answer for yourself before making any rash decisions:

Are you overreacting?
Your way may not always be the right or best way. Just because your partner doesn’t do things the same way, doesn’t mean they’re not hardworking or doing their part in the relationship. It may mean more so that your expectations and demands are unrealistic.

For example, if you’re the over-achiever in the relationship, 9 times out of 10 you’re most likely to rush to get to complete all your chores in a day. Whereas your partner may be someone who likes to spread their chores out for the week instead of rushing.

This doesn’t mean they don’t plan on getting to them. Further, and importantly, be mindful of each other’s schedules. Work demands may get in the way, which happens from time to time.

If you and your partner value each other, TRUST AND BELIEVE IN ONE ANOTHER, and enjoy being in each other’s company, then FOCUS ON THESE POSITIVES

Is your partner always the unwilling party?
With the demands of everyday life in South Africa, we can all say that we have days where we feel depleted and lazy. Naturally, this means we experience exhaustion or have emotional days — or both! If your partner has only recently exhibited behaviour where they’re not completing agreed upon tasks or they seem to be taking a lot of off days from work, then this probably isn’t a permanent thing in your relationship. Try speaking to your partner to find out what may be bothering them and how you can support them during any rough periods.

Are you happy with them?
If you and your partner value each other, trust and believe in one another, and enjoy being in each other’s company, then focus on these positives. Why focus on who they inherently are not? People come as a packaged deal. If you went into the relationship knowing who your partner is, then you should accept and value them. Do not try to change their personality.

If you’ve married someone who’s creative and an artist, you cannot expect them to go into the science field five years down the line in hopes of them getting paid a higher salary. Acceptance is the key to growing together.

Do you want to make things better?
Many times we become our own worst enemy instead of improving the situation at hand; simply offering constructive criticism rather than passing negative judgement. Instead of getting angry with your partner and causing a heated argument, have a grown up conversation about what is unacceptable and how you can make it right.

Discuss your individual strengths and weaknesses, and uncover which tasks or collective goals each of you would be most effective at and enjoy doing. Once you both know what works for you, you can offer each other useful tips that might make things easier. There you have it. I guess it’s true what they say: team work makes for dream work!

TURN THE TIDE
If you’ve decided to stay with your partner after answering these tough questions, then it’s time to look at healthy changes to implement in your relationship. These will help you to remain on the same page and work together to make the most out of your union.

Always give each other clarity and be accountable: If you say you will do something, then don’t break that promise. If you can foresee a challenge that may interfere, communicate this to your partner so that you can make an alternative arrangement together.

Learn to compromise: Be open to change and find a way to come to a mutual agreement on things.

Let go of the attitude: Do not point fingers nor threaten your partner when arguments do occur. This will only evoke a negative response.

Show appreciation: If your partner has contributed to the success and progression of your relationship in any way, whether it be solving a household issue or getting promoted at work, celebrate them and their achievement. Show them how much their hard work means to you, and perhaps even reward them with a night out doing an activity of their choice.


Words by Charndré Emma Kippie

Photography: Shutterstock, Pexels