WHEN TO INTERVENE WITH YOUR TROUBLED TEEN

Your child is transitioning from childhood into adulthood, going from having every need met to having to do it all for themselves – being a teenager is hard. As parents, we need to cut them slack sometimes. But what do we do when we notice our teens becoming more withdrawn?

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RED FLAGS TO LOOK OUT FOR

Problems at school
If you notice your teen's grades are slipping and they're caring less and less about their academics, it could be a reason to intervene.

Threatening to run away
If your teen has alluded to running away from home, they could just be testing the waters to see your reaction, but often this is a cry for help and should be taken seriously.

Withdrawing from social interactions
It's normal for teens to not be interested in forced adult social interactions, but if you notice your teen withdrawing from their own peers and isolating themselves, this could be a sign of depression.

Drug and alcohol use
As much as you would like to shelter your child from the dangers of alcohol and drugs, their exposure to it i is inevitable. However, if you notice any kind of secrecy or habit forming, it's time for intervention.

Reckless behaviour and/or violence
A teen’s anger often masks underlying emotions such as sadness, frustration, fear, and shame. Aggression is more common in boys, but any behaviour such as curtness, bullying other children, hurting animals, or engaging in dangerous or high-risk behaviours should be taken seriously.

HOW TO CONNECT WITH YOUR TEEN

It may be hard to believe based on everyday interactions, but underneath all that sass and bravado is someone who still craves love, attention and understanding.

Don't respond with the same intensity
It can be very easy to hit your child back with the same intensity of emotion when they're being difficult. Give yourself – and them – a cooling-off period before speaking to them; otherwise, you'll say things you'll regret and it will be harder to engage in open conversation.



Try to understand what's behind their behaviour
Have a frank conversation with your teen. Maybe there's someone at school giving them a hard time, or they have feelings of inadequacy because their peers have things that they don't. Pre-empt emotional outbursts by making time to check in with them regularly.

Empathise, but establish boundaries and consequences
A lot of parents, without even realising it, use language that makes their child feel ashamed for lashing out. Don’t take the offence and help them understand that, just like happiness, anger is a valid emotion, but there are unacceptable ways of expressing it.

Explain to them that they will have to face the consequences such as losing certain privileges or, in serious cases, school suspension or police involvement.

Encourage them to find healthy ways to channel their frustration
Exercise is one of the best ways for your teen to let off some steam, but nagging them to do so won’t necessarily be well received. Offer them alternative ways to de-stress that are appealing, like hitting a pillow or punching bag, singing, dancing, or expressing themselves through art.