HOW TO INTRODUCE A NEW PARTNER TO YOUR FAMILY

Bringing your partner to family gatherings so that everyone can get to know each other can be as exciting as it is nerve-racking. You want your family to love your partner as much as you do and for everything to go smoothly. To help make the introduction a success, here are six tips to keep in mind.

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PREPARE YOUR PARTNER BEFOREHAND
Let them know what to expect when they meet your family. Share the family dynamics, the quirks, and personalities. What are your parents like? Is your mom going to ask lots of questions? Is your father going to do the whole scary-dad thing? Do they go by their first names, Mr and Mrs So-and-so or Mama and Tata? Give your partner all the details to help them feel more comfortable and confident. It’s also vital to flag any off-limit topics such as politics, religion, gender equality etc.

PLAN THE MEETING IN ADVANCE
Choose a neutral location, like a restaurant, where both your partner and your family can feel comfortable. You could also plan for everyone to participate in something to break the ice, such as a quiz night or enjoying some live music – you know what everyone likes.

SET EXPECTATIONS
We all want to know what we’re up against. Let your partner know what your family is like and what to expect. Also talk to your family about your partner, and their qualities and interests. If no one is flying blind, everyone will be more prepared. This doesn’t mean that skeletons should be hauled out of the closet, but if Grandma has a habit of saying… problematic things... that shouldn’t come as a surprise.

BE SUPPORTIVE
While it is your family, your partner will be meeting them for the first time, and they’ll need backup! This means not only being there physically (don’t leave them alone for too long), but also helping them feel included if they are nervous or uncomfortable. Assurance is the best way to win your partner’s favour, and it will help your family understand your status as a couple.

FOLLOW UP
After the meeting, have a follow up conversation with both your partner and your family. Check in to see how they felt and if there are any concerns or issues that need to be addressed. You want everyone to like each other, of course, but it’s probably also good to know if there were hiccups you were not aware of.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
In between your partner and your family is you: the glue. Because both relationships are valuable, it can cause emotional turmoil for you if one side criticises the other. Don’t be afraid to call out either side if a boundary has been crossed. And you’ll want to avoid choosing sides – harmony is essential for both relationships to work. In the end, your well-being matters the most.

Food for Thought
– Do not rush into the initial meeting (baby steps...). You should know your partner at least fairly well, and how they behave in social situations.
– Remind your partner that you’re there for them.
– Bring a first meeting gift, something you know will please your parents.
– Don’t drink too much.
– If your family broaches a touchy subject, stay calm and avoid engaging too much.
– Don’t get ahead of yourself by forcing your partner and family to take selfies or TikToks together. It’s way too soon for that!

by Rhynhardt Krynauw