7 TIPS TO AVOID FINANCIAL INFIDELITY

It starts with a little self-indulgent splurge here and there... But if your partner doesn't know about it, financial infidelity could lead to serious issues

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When it comes to shared finances, a seemingly innocent purchase can turn into a significant issue that affects both your pocket and your relationship. Financial infidelity, a term used to describe secret spending or monetary decisions that are kept hidden from a partner, can lead to a cascade of negative consequences – from mistrust to mounting debt.

HOW CAN IT BE ‘INFIDELITY’?
It often begins with seemingly harmless acts, like indulging in a quick takeaway on the go without disclosing the expense. Over time, these small purchases can open the door to larger financial decisions that are kept hidden from a partner, requiring the need to tell little white lies. (Not dissimilar to the traditional sort of cheating.)

This secretive behaviour and lack of honesty eventually leads to emotional distance. A study by University College London revealed that financial infidelity is quite a common occurrence and that both men and women are guilty of it at some point in their lives. It also found that financial infidelity has the potential to be as harmful to a relationship’s health and longevity as sexual infidelity, as conflicts about money are one of the primary reasons for divorce.

FINANCIAL INCOMPATIBILITY
According to Ingrid Artus, a Gauteng- based counselling psychologist, financial deception has typically been found to be much more prominent in relationships where one partner has a ‘saver’ personality and the other partner is a ‘spender’. While the one partner prides themself on being a debt avoider, the other has a long-standing history or habit of excessive spending (and invariably a fair amount of debt).

“The spender then tries to avoid conflict by hiding their spending sprees, but since truth always has a way of revealing itself, they end up creating more conflict and a breach of trust in the relationship as a result of the deceit,” Ingrid explains.

@atltaxlawyers Financial infidelity and lack of communication is one of the driving factors of tax and financial problems. It is very important to see your spouse as a business partner to help build wealth and prosperity for you and your family. Often times working with clients, I find they are not being completely honest with each other or do not know how to work together to get where they want to be. #tax #taxes #taxproblem #taxhelp #taxdebt #financialfreedom #financialliteracy #financialinfidelity #marriage #marriageadvice #marriagesecrets #taxattorney #attorney #irs #buildingwealth #taxtok #taxtoktips #attorneysoftiktok ♬ original sound - Alyssa Whatley ⚖️ Tax Attorney

HOW TO AVOID IT

Open and honest communication: Establish a habit of discussing finances openly with your partner. Regularly share your financial goals and discuss your spending habits and potential expenses.

Set clear financial goals: Define short-term and long-term goals together. This shared vision can strengthen your commitment to honest money habits.

Create a budget together: Come up with a joint budget that includes not only shared expenses but individual allowances too. This ensures transparency and makes secret spending less likely.

Agree on spending limits: Determine what kinds of spending require mutual agreement and limits, which will help to prevent impulse purchases.

Regularly review your finances: Schedule regular check-ins to assess your progress, address concerns and make any necessary adjustments to your budget and goals.

Maintain separate accounts: While having a joint account can facilitate transparency and makes some things easier, maintaining individual accounts provides a sense of autonomy and avoids the temptation to hide spending.

Educate and empower each other: If one partner has more financial knowledge, inform and empower the other. This equalises decision-making and fosters a collaborative approach.

SHOULD YOU SEEK HELP?
If you’re struggling with financial infidelity, consider seeking guidance from a financial advisor or therapist.

Professional help can facilitate open conversations and provide solutions. By actively working together to foster transparency and trust in financial matters, you can fortify your relationship against the possibility of financial infidelity and build a solid foundation for a secure future.

LONG-TERM CONSEQUENCES
– Loss of trust: A cornerstone of any healthy relationship is trust. Financial infidelity breaches this trust, leading to doubts and suspicion in all other aspects of your partnership that can be challenging to overcome.
– Emotional distance: Secrets about money can lead to general detachment and withdrawal by both partners, as open communication and shared financial goals have been compromised.
– Broken telephone: A lack of honest communication about financial matters can spill over into discussions about other aspects of the relationship, disrupting overall harmony.
– Debt trap: Hidden spending tends to accumulate over time, resulting in financial strain and debt. A pattern of financial infidelity can seriously sabotage long-term financial goals and stability for both partners, not just the spender.
– Resentment: Finding out about financial secrets can lead to hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment, creating a toxic atmosphere that affects both partners’ emotional well-being.

By: Charndre Emma Kippie
Text courtesy of Man magazine
Photo: Gallo/Getty images