10 TIPS FOR RAISING HAPPY, WELL-ROUNDED CHILDREN

Parenting, one of the most challenging yet one of the most rewarding jobs life has to offer. We provide guidance on how to raise a responsible, kind, self-reliant and well-rounded individual.

---

Parenting is one of the most researched areas in the social science field. With so much information on healthy parenting out there, it’s tricky to figure out what works and what doesn’t. Psychologist Dr Laurence Steinberg explains it well in his book, The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting. In it, he provides guidelines based on years of research on parenting. ‘Most parents do a pretty good job of raising kids, but truly effective parenting means not just relying on natural instincts but also on knowing what works, and why,’ he says.

HEALTHY PARENTING
Zanele Shabangu (37) is the mother of Zolani (17) and Nomhle (9). ‘Being a new parent meant relying on books, the internet and friends, but mostly my gut,’ she says. She adds that it was easier the second time round, attributing this to learning from her mistakes – one

of which was occasionally spanking her son. ‘Over time, I realised that punishing him was not working. It actually achieved the opposite. I did it out of desperation because I was not sure what else to do,’ she says.

‘Without a consistent discipline strategy, it might feel like spanking is the best option,’ says psychologist Carol Cordine, ‘but while it might alter behaviour in the short term, it rarely has a positive effect in the long term. So, to avert all sorts of behavioural problems and make the journey easier and more rewarding, follow these simple principles of healthy parenting:

1. USE CONSEQUENCES INSTEAD OF PUNISHMENT

Children learn how to behave better when there are consequences, says Cordine. For example, instead of punishing them, explain that if they don’t finish their homework, they can’t play video games.

2. BE CONSISTENT
Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Identify your non- negotiables. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power, the less your child will challenge it.

3. ADAPT YOUR PARENTING
Keep up with your child’s development as they mature. A three-year-old and a 14-year-old can’t be treated the same. Consider how age is affecting your child’s behaviour.

Related article: Single moms share their tips for solo parenting

4. BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL
Your child looks up to you and tries to be like you. It’s okay to tell them to be respectful, truthful and kind – but it won’t mean anything unless you model the behaviour.

5. BE AN INVOLVED PARENT
According to research, children who have involved parents do better at school and have better social skills. It takes sacrifice and time, and it is hard work, but be there emotionally, mentally and physically. It pays off.



6. SET RULES

Rules teach kids to understand what is expected of them. They also help them know what will happen if they break them. Children need to know what to do and what to avoid. If your child’s behaviour is not managed when they are young, they will have a hard time learning how to manage themselves when they are older, and you aren’t around.

Related article: How to be a hands-on dad

7. TREAT YOUR CHILD WITH RESPECT
The best way to earn your child’s respect is to treat them with respect. Give them the same courtesies and consideration you give to anyone else, and again, model respectful behaviour that they can follow. Bottom line – treat your child as you would like to be treated.

8. ENCOURAGE INDEPENDENCE
Setting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging independence develops an understanding of self-direction. Both are needed for a child to flourish.

9. NEVER TOO MUCH
You can never give your child too much love. According to Steinberg, ‘What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love – things like material possessions or lack of discipline.’

Related article: 11 Signs you’re over-parenting and why it’s a bad thing



10. MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL

Never compare your child to others. It fosters insecurity and sibling rivalry. Find ways to make your child feel special for their own good qualities.