SINGLE MOMS SHARE THEIR TIPS FOR SOLO PARENTING

Being a single parent can be a huge challenge, but the bond between a single mother and her child is made all the more special by overcoming hurdles together.

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In the month in which we celebrate mothers and the supremely important role they play in our lives, we speak to three strong women about the challenges and joys of being a single mother.



RAISING A RESPECTABLE MAN
Lerato Shabalala (43) is a specialist medical representative from Krugersdorp in Gauteng. She has single-handedly raised her son (21), since leaving an abusive relationship a year after his birth. ‘Wearing the mom and dad hats is hard,’ confides Lerato. ‘Parenting a boy alone is especially difficult because certain conversations require a father and we live in a society with many abusive men. So, the pressure to raise your boy child is real.’

According to the Human Sciences Research Council, 40% of SA mothers are single parents, and 60% of children have an absent father.

Dating and loneliness can also be challenging, she shares. Taking time for herself, constant prayer, encouraging fun family activities and speaking positively and truthfully to her son, have helped Lerato cope with parenting pressures. ‘I am pushed and challenged daily but it is a privilege to guide, protect and be an example to my son,’ she smiles. ‘When I feel unworthy, he is a reminder that I am and motherhood has proven that I can… as long as I believe it.’



MASTERING MULTIPLE ROLES
Tebogo Sethole (42), a Pretoria based mother of a daughter (nine) and son (three), works in the petroleum industry and runs her own online clothing business, Fischer Rose Shirts. ‘I’ve never been married and am the primary caregiver to my children,’ she explains. ‘But their fathers are still involved and I think it’s important that they are present.’

She admits that balancing work with parental responsibilities can be a struggle. ‘I work long hours and juggling my daily job with my new online business can be tricky, but I put guidelines in place,’ she says. Proper scheduling and enjoying regular alone time, with support from family and her trusted helper, allow Tebogo to give her best to her children – and to herself. ‘Sleeping more, enjoying adult conversation, getting creative and exploring new things re-energises me,’ she says. ‘Yes, motherhood can be difficult, but there’s also much happiness in our home and, most importantly, plenty of love!’

Related article: 8 ways to get “me time” for moms



PERFECTLY IMPERFECT
Simone Lamberti (36) is a Joburg attorney, co-parenting her daughter (seven) since divorcing in 2018. ‘It’s difficult to be a present mother, meet work deadlines and get everything else done,’ she says. She adds that it’s important to reach out for assistance. ‘I try to plan my schedule in advance and call on family and friends for support and guidance,’ she says. She has also learnt that it’s okay to not be perfect and she strives to be gentle on herself and her child. ‘Despite the challenges, it’s an honour raising my daughter, and seeing the world through her eyes is magical!’ she smiles. ‘She has taught me about life and about myself more than I could have ever imagined.’

Related article: Money goals for single moms

SINGLE MOMS 101
Pam Gillingham, a Social Worker and Wellness Director at Solid Ground Therapy and Mediation Centre in Johannesburg, has these tips for single mothers:

• Fill your cup. Take time daily to nourish yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually because self-care is essential to parent a child effectively.
• Connect with your child in gentle, meaningful ways each day, such as chatting about things that are important to them, sharing an activity, showing affection and verbally expressing love for them.
• Establish and stick to a routine. This will allow you to cope with multiple tasks and create the consistency and structure needed by children to feel secure.
• Cultivate a support group. Befriending others who share similar challenges can provide much needed support on many levels.
• Be financially savvy. Create a budget, stick to it, and keep track of income and expenses so that you can make changes when and where necessary.

Related article: How to beat the guilt of being a working mom!

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