LARGE AGE GAPS IN RELATIONSHIPS: DOES IT WORK?

Can relationships with large age gaps work long-term? Also known as May-December relationships, how big an age gap is too big? As with most of life’s big questions: it depends.

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I’ve always had relationships with big age gaps. My first husband and I were together for 17 years, and had an age gap of as many years. My current partner and I are 18 years apart. Does it bother me? Only in that I sometimes feel sad that we may not grow old together.

Can these relationships work? Absolutely. Just look at all the famous couples listed below.

Sure, my marriage didn’t work out, but I still consider it a success. It was loving and supportive, but we got together when I was young, and even same-age relationships can crumble when partners grow and change over time.

All relationships have their challenges, and couples with age gaps are no exception. Research suggests that, over time, couples with large age gaps are more likely to split. Even so, what matters most is that there is a deep connection and the relationship is based on mutual respect, shared values, love and mutual understanding.



Related article: 12 Things that happy couples don’t share on social media

5 COMMON CHALLENGES FACED BY MAY-DECEMBER RELATIONSHIPS

1. Children: Couples who have a large age gap and also want children will have to come to terms with the reality that the older partner may not be around to support and watch their children grow up beyond a certain age.
   
   In addition, the older partner may already have children – children who may be similar in age to the younger partner, which can lead to tension. The likelihood that parents will have divergent ideas on how to raise their children increases in direct proportion to the age gap.
   
   
2. Ageing: Here’s where the younger partner misses out. Of course, there’s no guarantee that anyone will make it into old age, but in couples with a large age difference, it’s a given that the younger partner will survive their older partner and perhaps go through their twilight years alone.
   
   
3. Socialising: Having friends of the same age makes it easier to blend your social circles, and to find common interest with your partner’s friends. This is generally harder when there is a large age gap.
   
   
4. Financial inequality: While an older partner may bring financial stability to the relationship - since they may be further along in their career, and have had more time to invest and acquire assets - tension may arise if one is contributing significantly more than the other, and this is perceived as unfair.
   
   
5. Family and societal disapproval: A large age gap can seem unconventional and even immoral to some people, particularly if it goes against cultural norms. Your family may object and make life difficult for you both, creating tension in the relationship.

WHAT’S THE SOLUTION?
Simply being aware of the common pitfalls associated with age-gap relationships can go a long way towards preventing any irreparable harm. Discuss them and work out how you plan to approach these challenges together.

It’s easy to assume your partner sees things the way that you do, and has the same goals and vision for the future, but this may not be the case, which makes talking about it all the more important.

All relationships benefit from open communication, physical and emotional intimacy, being flexible, patient with and accepting of your partner.

Related article: The 5 love languages and the key to love that lasts



FAMOUS COUPLES WITH BIG AGE GAPS WHO ARE STILL IN LOVE:

Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness
Age gap: 13 years. Together: 27 years

Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres
Age gap: 15 years. Together: 18 years.

Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves
Age gap 13 years. Together: 16 years.

Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart
Age gap: 22 years. Together: 12 years.

Elton John and David Furnish
Age gap: 11 years. Together: almost 3 decades.

Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld
Age gap: 17 years. Together: 23 years

Related article: 6 Celeb couples share their romance advice


TEXT: ROBYN MACLARTY