UNDERSTANDING GENDER-NEUTRAL PARENTING

Gender-neutral parenting is a form of raising children that focuses on the child as a human being rather than a girl or a boy, and it’s becoming increasingly popular. Here’s what it’s all about.

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You’re at the toy store about to buy a gift for your baby girl. You’re looking at two options: a doll and a truck. Which one do you go for? Back in the day it would have been a no-brainer – dolls were for girls and trucks were for boys. But things have changed. In the last few years there has been a definite shift in the way children are being raised, and a lot of parents have decided that raising their children gender neutral is the way to go.

So, what exactly does that mean? Gender-neutral parenting is when parents raise their kids free from gender bias. ‘For some parents, it might simply mean they give their children both “boy” and “girl” toys,’ says clinical psychologist Daniel Sher. Other parents might ignore the matter of gender altogether, not making an issue of whether children are boys or girls but treating them exactly the same.

There are studies that show the benefits of raising a child gender neutral. A study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that children raised with strict gender expectations had an increased risk of mental and physical health problems.

Related article: 10 tips for raising happy, well-rounded children

WHO, NOT ‘WHAT’
Parenting coach Lindsy Bolus believes there are many benefits to this style of parenting. ‘Although the term “gender-neutral parenting” sounds rather intimidating,’ she says, ‘it is what most modern parents are already doing, but without the label.

If you are able to see your child as a whole and unique human being with his/her individual emotional and physical needs, you are then able to meet them for who they are and not what (gender) they are. They then learn that “I matter and am valuable as I am” and grow into grounded and confident adults.’

NOT WEAKNESS BUT STRENGTH
Parent Hannah Deall agrees. ‘For me,’ she says, ‘raising a child as gender neutral is about challenging preconceived ideas around gender roles. I want my daughter to know that she does not need to shrink herself. That she can be strong and powerful. I want her to grow up knowing that her opinions and her voice are relevant. And if I have a son, I want him to know that vulnerability and expressing emotion are not signs of weakness, but of strength.’

EXTREMES ARE HARMFUL
‘Of course, if you are too strict about it, you could force your child in the opposite direction,’ says Bolus. ‘You might insist your boy plays with dolls when he clearly wants to play with trucks – all in the name of gender-neutral parenting. This could obviously be confusing and upsetting to your child. As with anything, becoming an extremist about it could have a negative impact.’

LAYING GROUNDWORK
If this style of parenting makes sense to you, make your home a gender-neutral space. Ditch the ‘his’ and ‘hers’ towels and let kids choose their own clothing rather than dressing girls in pink and boys in blue. Also let your children play with whatever toys they like, instead of expecting girls to be mad about dolls and boys to want cars. Importantly, too, let them explore their interests and talents. Who cares if Thabo wants to dance and Anathi wants to play soccer? What matters is that they develop the skills that interest them.

Related article: Why child’s play is so important