We've all been there, whether with our own kids, nieces, nephews or friends' children. Asking kids to do something or trying to have a conversation with them can be tough when you get responses such as, “Do it yourself!” or a roll of the eyes. This article will unpack why children backchat and offer tips on how to respond in these situations.
Ahh ... the joys of raising a child. As much as there are ups, there are definite challenges too. One of those challenges is the tricky issue of backchatting. When your child talks back or disrespects you, it can be frustrating and even heartbreaking. Don’t worry! We’ll explore some practical tips on how to handle backchatting effectively to get you and your child on neutral ground.
STAY CALM AND COMPOSED
Imagine this: You’ve asked your teenager to pick those pesky clothes up off the floor and you’re greeted with an eyeroll or a "You’re always on my case!” and a stomp away. Take a deep breath and stay calm. The knee-jerk reaction would be to raise your voice in frustration, escalating the situation. Instead, respond with, "I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I didn’t mean it to pressure you. I only want you to have a clean environment."
SET CLEAR EXPECTATIONS
Establish clear expectations and consequences in advance so that there is consistency with your child. This way they know what to expect for breaking a house rule, following through with their chores or even just good behaviour, whether that’s limiting their screen time as a repercussion or allowing them at that sleepover with friends as a reward.
HAVE OPEN COMMUNICATION
You’ve just asked how their day was and your child mumbles something sarcastically under their breath as a dig towards you. Sound familiar? Encourage open communication by responding with, "I'd like to understand why you're upset. Can you share your thoughts and feelings with me?" This will allow them to know you’re not going to ignore their obvious anger toward you, but also that you want to move past it and avoid having animosity for days to come.
BE EMPATHETIC
Your child shouts, "You're so unfair!" when you deny them permission to attend a late-night party. Tip: Show them you understand and that you care. Say, "I know you're disappointed, but all I want is to keep you safe. Let's talk about why you want to go and maybe we can plan better for next time?”
RECIPROCATE RESPECT
Whatever behaviour you want your child to display, it’s good to lead by example. If your child is talking, try not to interrupt them. When you’re talking and they might interrupt you, you will have set a good example to refer to. This way your child sees the importance of modelling your behaviour as it benefits both parties.
Establish clear expectations and consequences in advance so that there is consistency with your child. This way they know what to expect for breaking a house rule, following through with their chores or even just good behaviour, whether that’s limiting their screen time as a repercussion or allowing them at that sleepover with friends as a reward.
HAVE OPEN COMMUNICATION
You’ve just asked how their day was and your child mumbles something sarcastically under their breath as a dig towards you. Sound familiar? Encourage open communication by responding with, "I'd like to understand why you're upset. Can you share your thoughts and feelings with me?" This will allow them to know you’re not going to ignore their obvious anger toward you, but also that you want to move past it and avoid having animosity for days to come.
BE EMPATHETIC
Your child shouts, "You're so unfair!" when you deny them permission to attend a late-night party. Tip: Show them you understand and that you care. Say, "I know you're disappointed, but all I want is to keep you safe. Let's talk about why you want to go and maybe we can plan better for next time?”
RECIPROCATE RESPECT
Whatever behaviour you want your child to display, it’s good to lead by example. If your child is talking, try not to interrupt them. When you’re talking and they might interrupt you, you will have set a good example to refer to. This way your child sees the importance of modelling your behaviour as it benefits both parties.
Photography: Getty Images
HOW TO DEAL WITH CHILDREN WHO BACKCHAT
Reviewed by Amaarah
on
October 24, 2023
Rating:
Reviewed by Amaarah
on
October 24, 2023
Rating:
