With the cost of living rising sharply at the moment, it’s even more important for couples to have an honest talk about finances. Here are tips on how to do it.
Infidelity is the main reason for divorce, according to various studies. But money is always a close second. It could be that bad spending habits cause stress. One partner earning a lot more could lead to a power struggle. Whatever the reason, the problem gets worse if you don’t talk about it.
“During a divorce, the two most contentious issues are usually finances and children – in that order,” says Dan Couvrette, publisher of Divorce Magazine. “If there are no children, then basic incompatibility and communication problems follow on the heels of money problems.”
Related article: Why you should never lie to your partner about money
How to talk
Schedule a time to talk to your partner about money – perhaps once a month – and use the conversation to cover everything from spending to savings. Keep it to about 20 minutes. “This will make it more likely you’ll stick to the points and avoid old arguments,” says UK counsellor Peter Saddington.
“It’s always a good idea to give your partner a heads-up,” adds Chrishane Cunningham, a therapist affiliated with the Chicago Counselling Collective. “It’s also important to convey the topic and what the goal is.”
Talking and listening is valuable, especially at the start. Be clear about what you’re asking so your partner doesn’t feel put on the spot.
Money talks are awkward for most people, so don’t try to pretend it’s not. Rather say how it makes you feel so the tension can ease a bit.
Start on a positive note by saying how you appreciate your partner’s money savvy in certain things. Most discussions will end the way they start, explains US psychologist Dr Shannon Curry. "If you come in gently and give your partner the benefit of the doubt, it’s more likely to end well even if things get heated in the middle.”
Take equal turns to speak and take notes – one way of showing you really are listening.
A lot of our issues come from how we learnt about money while growing up. If your parents were tense about money, you might be, too. If they spent freely, you might as well. You have to understand this about yourself and your partner before you try to make a plan.
At the end of the talk, make a date for the next one where you will look at what progress you’ve made and what issues remain. Don't get impatient: the bigger the changes, the more time you might need to adapt.
Get practical
You should have equal say and equal power in financial decisions. If both have an income, the easiest setup is to have individual accounts, but then have a joint account that both fund to pay shared expenses.
“During a divorce, the two most contentious issues are usually finances and children – in that order,” says Dan Couvrette, publisher of Divorce Magazine. “If there are no children, then basic incompatibility and communication problems follow on the heels of money problems.”
Related article: Why you should never lie to your partner about money
How to talk
Schedule a time to talk to your partner about money – perhaps once a month – and use the conversation to cover everything from spending to savings. Keep it to about 20 minutes. “This will make it more likely you’ll stick to the points and avoid old arguments,” says UK counsellor Peter Saddington.
“It’s always a good idea to give your partner a heads-up,” adds Chrishane Cunningham, a therapist affiliated with the Chicago Counselling Collective. “It’s also important to convey the topic and what the goal is.”
Talking and listening is valuable, especially at the start. Be clear about what you’re asking so your partner doesn’t feel put on the spot.
Money talks are awkward for most people, so don’t try to pretend it’s not. Rather say how it makes you feel so the tension can ease a bit.
Start on a positive note by saying how you appreciate your partner’s money savvy in certain things. Most discussions will end the way they start, explains US psychologist Dr Shannon Curry. "If you come in gently and give your partner the benefit of the doubt, it’s more likely to end well even if things get heated in the middle.”
Take equal turns to speak and take notes – one way of showing you really are listening.
A lot of our issues come from how we learnt about money while growing up. If your parents were tense about money, you might be, too. If they spent freely, you might as well. You have to understand this about yourself and your partner before you try to make a plan.
At the end of the talk, make a date for the next one where you will look at what progress you’ve made and what issues remain. Don't get impatient: the bigger the changes, the more time you might need to adapt.
Get practical
You should have equal say and equal power in financial decisions. If both have an income, the easiest setup is to have individual accounts, but then have a joint account that both fund to pay shared expenses.
Add each other’s names to the apartment lease or house deed. This helps to balance the relationship and avoids the “my house” language.
Make a list of your combined expenses. The percentage of combined income that you earn, should be the percentage of expenses you pay. A 50/50 split is equal but unfair if you don't bring in about the same.
Related article: Tips to avoid conflict when you out-earn your man
Plan how you’ll tackle big debt and keep it realistic so neither has to struggle to reach the target or feel guilty about not making it. After big events, such as having a baby, a promotion or losing a job, the numbers have to change.
Don’t let one partner take care of settling all the bills with the other just assuming it’s happening. Both of you have to know where the money is kept and how it is spent.
Don't forget the fun part: planning ahead. Talk about goals and agree on how much to save for them. Thinking about your future together is quite romantic, after all…
Related article: How to successfully manage money as a couple
HOW TO TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT MONEY
Reviewed by Edgars Mag
on
June 15, 2022
Rating:
Reviewed by Edgars Mag
on
June 15, 2022
Rating:
